


Into The Fire

by wildcat_88



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Babysitting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Drunken Kissing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Rey Needs A Hug, Rough Kissing, Single Dad Ben Solo, Size Kink, Unkar Plutt - Freeform, Violence, Voice Kink, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildcat_88/pseuds/wildcat_88
Summary: She needed a job.She saw the ad and thought nothing of it.A babysitter to one Ben Solo.She just wasn't expecting Ben Solo to be so...unlike anything she had imagined.It was supposed to be easy...And then that all changed...
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 207
Kudos: 351





	1. Made of Stone

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm back and decided to revise this story.  
> I can't promise updates will be quick.  
> I really want to feel this story out and I hope you all are willing to go on that journey with me!  
> I want to say thank you to all my readers because you are the only light in the darkness <3
> 
> Enjoy <3
> 
> Comments are always adored and I usually respond so please don't hesitate to say hi xoxo

_**Draped over your bones** _

_**Paint colors up the walls** _

_**To spread our inspirations** _

_**You are the likely cause Of what will be my demise** _

Rey desperately needed a job.

She would take any job at this point.

Rey would do anything to get away from having to spend every waking moment with her Uncle Plutt. He was a vile man that had never wanted to take care of a child nor had the mental capability to do so. Plutt received the shock of his life when he found out her mom had put him as her guardian in the unfortunate event she passed away.

Her mom had no other siblings or even a friend that wasn't too busy with their own lives to take in the only child she had. Reluctantly, she had scribbled down her brother's name truly believing she would be alive to see Rey turn eighteen and her daughter wouldn't have to spend a single minute with her brother.

It turned out that life could be quite a cruel mistress. Rey watched the sickness take hold of her mom until one day she floated away never to return.

Rey first met Unkar Plutt when she was thirteen years old at her mom's funeral. The man's stomach protruded from underneath his washed-out button-up, a small layer of hair sat atop his head but Rey could see the balding spots. What disturbed her most was his skin that made him look sickly with what appeared as festering wounds on his face and neck. She shivered at the thought of having to live with him.

Plutt didn't cry, not like Rey, and she was quick to discover that Plutt hated weakness especially if that involved crying. The man didn't know how to cook so Rey lived off of salami sandwiches and TV dinners for most of her teenage years.

With looking like a twig she was prone to bullying. Both girls and boys made fun of her flat chest, boyish body, and freckled skin. Plutt didn't help her feel better about herself. If she even dared to complain about what kids said he wouldn’t hesitate to agree with them.

Plutt couldn't be bothered. He never involved himself in taking care of her. He chose to love the bottle more than he could ever love her. It isn't like she wanted his affection but desperation for anything began to take its toll on her and she almost found herself begging him to care.

At eighteen she had graduated high school and landed a full ride to Castilian University. It would be a lot of pressure on her shoulders to succeed. Any non-passing grade would get the scholarship revoked. That was something she could not afford at this point in life. Not when she was so close to getting out from underneath Plutt's grasp.

Rey couldn't afford to live in the dorms. She would have to continue to live with Plutt until she finished school.

A job would at least allow her to get away from Plutt for all hours of the day.

Rey had been searching for hours truly ready to give up on the silly job search until she saw an ad for a babysitter. She clicked on the link, it directed her to a description of what the person was looking for.

The wording was clipped, very to the point, and she found herself admiring the simplicity after reading so many descriptions that had her mind boggled.

_I'm looking for a babysitter for my five-year-old daughter. I have a new job so I won't be around to pick her up from school._

_I will need someone from noon when she gets out of school till 6 when I get off work._

_Must have a car and proof of insurance._

_Eighteen or older._

_Contact me through email if interested._

_bensolo_1@gmail.com_

Rey did have a car. It was a rundown piece of shit but it would still manage to get her to and from said school and his house.

Without hesitating, she typed up a quick email to Mr. Solo. Once finished, her finger hovered over the enter button. She hesitated, swallowing hard before she finally gave in and pressed it. She didn’t understand why she was anxious to see if he would respond.

As the time ticked on with no response, Rey began to feel like an idiot for thinking he would even look twice at her email.

The ping of her phone had her grabbing the small device to see a notification from her email. Her heart thundered in her chest as she opened up the email from one Ben Solo seeing an address with the time.

_Be there on time._

The words involuntarily made her shiver.

They were cold and direct.

Now, she was worried that Mr. Solo was going to turn out to be some mass murderer with no daughter at all. Pushing the fear down she sent another email to him that she'll be there and sent a text to her best friend Finn with the information.

Her phone rang a moment later. "Hello?"

"What the hell is going on, Rey? Are you okay?" The worry coating his voice had her smiling.

She could always count on Finn to be the over-thinker of every situation. "I'm fine. It's just an interview but I wanted you to know where I am just in case."

He breathed out a sigh of relief. "How dare you make me worry like that, peanut."

"You worry too much about me, Finn."

"Can you blame me?"

Finn knew all too well the situation that Rey was in. He had jetted off to California to fulfill his dream of being a doctor. Rey couldn't be happier for him but she still longed for the close friendship they once had.

It had been him and her against the world for so long, now, it seemed like they only became more distant as time ventured on. Rey wouldn't give up hope though. In her heart, she knew the two of them would always be friends no matter the circumstances.

"I'll be okay. Once I have a job I can save up and get the hell out of here."

"You deserve so much more. I feel like an asshole for just abandoning you."

Rey shook her head letting out a tiny scoff. "You have to live your dream and I'm not going to be the one to hold you back."

"Just don't give up, okay?"

"You know I never will."

"I have to go. I have a lot of summer homework to catch up on."

"I understand. It was good hearing your voice."

"Same. Night, Rey."

"Night, Finn."

She hanged up the phone and laid down turning onto her side.

She fell asleep wondering what Mr. Solo would be like.

~♥~

Rey pulled up to the quaint house surrounded by a white picket fence. She was surprised as she walked up the stone pathway to see lilies blooming along the front of the house in neat little beds.

The house was painted a cream color with blue shutters. It had a wraparound porch painted an offset white and the door followed suit with its perfect white coating and brass doorknob. It seemed all inviting and daunting at the same time. Rey nervously inhaled, finding the courage to go through with this. She needed this job she reminded herself and released the breath she was holding on a shaky breath.

Rey knocked on the door after a moment of hesitation. She waited patiently taking the time to smooth her pleated skirt down and ensured her blouse was securely tucked into it. She could only hope what she was wearing was appropriate due to the fact she had never had an interview before.

The door opened a moment later, the smile she plastered on her face faltered instantly. She didn’t know what she had been expecting. Perhaps an older man with graying hair, and a kind smile.

He was older all right but there wasn't a single gray hair on his head nor a kind smile. His face was pulled into a stern expression. His dark brows sloped down in a way that made it look like he wore a permanent scowl.

He filled the entire doorway before her. She instinctively took a step back from this larger-than-life man. She couldn't stop herself from taking in just how burly he was with a body that was built for sin.

It felt like her body had awakened for the first time, an awareness slowly seeping into every fiber of her being. The words on the tip of her tongue became garbled. She remained speechless begging herself to stop acting like an idiot.

"Are you Rey?" He asked breaking the uncomfortable silence that had forged between them.

His voice was deep, a husky sound that shot straight to her core. She found herself shifting to ease the ache he had built in her with just the sound of his voice. She felt hot all over and flushed. A quick glance at her arms showed her the scarlet tint to her tan skin, the hairs there standing on edge.

"Yes," she replied, gathering her bearings and doing her best to ignore the sweat that had begun to skate down her spine. "Rey Johnson."

His dark eyes did a once over of her. Her face flamed at his blatant perusal. "You're eighteen?"

It took a lot to push down the comment she wanted to make but she did and smiled instead. "Yes, I assure you I have a car," she pointed at it, "Also I brought proof of insurance."

"Look young is all,” he muttered, dark eyes moving away from her own.

"I'll take that as a compliment, sir, or do you prefer Mr. Solo?"

He raked a hand through his ebony hair, giving her a look she couldn’t quite define. She was still trying to get over his broad shoulders that were revealed to her hungry eyes. His white undershirt hugged his body brilliantly, leaving nothing to the imagination.

He was all raw, unyielding muscle and sinew.

Built like a wild animal.

A wild animal that could snap her neck in half if he so wished it.

"You can call me Ben." He stepped aside, ushering her into his home. She took the hint, stepping through the threshold not truly knowing if this was the worst mistake she was about to make or the best.

The house smelled clean, like pinewood. It was neat with a simple couch in the living room and a normal-sized television. A few toys were strewn about but they didn’t take away from just how neat and orderly the house was.

He gestured towards the couch. She sat down making sure she was not giving him an eyeful as she did so.

_He was an older man. He probably wouldn't want to see that anyway_

Rey scolded herself for even thinking he would care to see an eighteen-year-old girl like herself naked, especially when she still didn't have an abundance of curves. Chest still too small and her body still a little too lean.

He had to be in his mid-thirties even though there was no sign of wrinkles that marred his face. The only thing that she noted was the scar that ran from the top of his right brow, slashing down his cheek, to his chin until it disappeared into his undershirt. Rey had been too focused on everything else on this man that the scar had hardly registered in her mind until now. She wondered how he received such a gruesome mark on his pale skin. The beauty marks that dotted his face gave him a soft appearance warring with the scar that made him seem violent, intimidating.

He took a seat in an armchair that seemed thoroughly worn out and loved by the giant of a man. His legs parted drawing her attention to his denim-clad thighs, so strong and powerful. He was so well-proportioned that she couldn’t help ogling him like he was some outfit displayed at the mall that she knew she couldn’t have.

"Do you have experience in babysitting?" He asked, his gravelly voice doing way too many things to her at once.

"If I'm being honest, no, but I'm good with kids and I know how to cook. So, I won't be burning the house down anytime soon."

He didn’t even crack a smile at her playfulness. She bit down on her lower lip, swearing she saw him track the movement.

"You can cook?"

She nodded a little too enthusiastically. "Yes, I had to teach myself or else I'd still be eating TV dinners."

She shoved a chestnut lock behind her ear, shifting nervously at revealing a little too much about her personal life. "TV dinners?"

"My Uncle has never been much of a cook."

He pondered the answer but didn’t push the matter. She was more than grateful for that. "So, you can cook. Anything else?"

"I have volunteered at daycare before and I am CPR/first aid trained. I may not look like it but I can care for a child."

Ben scoffed, raking his hand through his hair once again. Rey wondered if it was a nervous tic. Her eyes shifted to his plush mouth as he began to speak once more in his enticing voice. 

"Every person that has waltzed through my door has said the same thing but half of them seemed like they were going to be a drill sergeant to my little girl and the rest," he clenched his hands on the armrests, his brows pulled tight at the middle, "Well, I didn't think much of them. You're young and the only eighteen-year-old that responded to the ad but I wasn't thinking when I wrote that age. Maybe you could care for her. I just think you're too young."

He stood up and Rey was before him in a heartbeat trying to stop him from going anywhere. His eyes widened at her bold actions, forcing her to take note of his long eyelashes and the green flecks in his brown eyes. He really was quite beautiful for such a masculine man.

Rey forced herself to get back to the task at hand and couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. "Please, I know I look young but I promise I'll do everything in my power to ensure your daughter's happiness and safety. I've been forced to grow up fast due to an absentee guardian. I know how to be responsible and I'm telling you if you just give me a chance that I won't disappoint you."

She knew she was standing too close to him. She could see the way his pulse thudded in his neck and how his jaw clenched for a reason she can't be completely sure of. Her eyes latched onto the beauty marks that dotted his pale skin, skin that she wouldn't mind rubbing up against.

His eyes narrowed. "You must really need the money, huh?"

She shook her head vehemently. "No, it's not like that at all. I just don't want to be stuck at my Uncle's house all the time."

"So you want to use my daughter to get away from home?"

"Your daughter needs a babysitter and I'm guessing you need one relatively soon. You do have to provide for her, don't you? That means you can't keep taking all this time off work just because you think no one is worthy enough of caring for her."

His nostrils flared, his entire demeanor was more dangerous than it had already been. His dark eyes were ablaze with an emotion she could only classify as pure annoyance and a little bit of rage. His broad chest puffed up and down until finally, he released a low growl that sent a surge down her spine.

"Fine. You're hired. One rule though," He said in a low voice, "No more of this attitude out of you, okay?"

Her heart raced unsteadily at his nearness and the bite in his voice. She forced herself to nod.

"I'll be in touch."

"Okay," she stammered and didn’t waste time leaving his house.

She had not been prepared for Ben Solo.

She may never be.

∞


	2. Astronomical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me you all!
> 
> Enjoy <3
> 
> Comments make me happy!! :)

_**I'm drawn to the unknown, where shadows hide** _

  
_**A slave to the powers that magnetize** _

  
_**There's something inside of me, I can't fight** _

"A babysitter?" Unkar grumbled, changing the channel for the hundredth time since Rey walked in to tell him about her new job.

"Yes, I thought it would be a good idea to start making some money of my own."

Unkar scoffed tossing the remote down in favor of grabbing his beer. He took a messy swallow, beer seeping down his chin in a way that made Rey want to throw up. The man would die alone and it was obvious why.

"I'll be going to school. I thought it would be best to learn some responsibility," she continued.

"You do whatever the fuck you want, Rey. You're eighteen now right? Technically, I no longer have to give a shit about you."

"When have you ever given a shit about me?" Rey fired back, the rage seeping under her skin desperate to breach the surface.

"Don't be an ungrateful bitch. I could have left you at some orphanage to defend for yourself. Perhaps you wouldn't have that scholarship if it weren't for me keeping you safe."

"I worked my ass off for that scholarship! Don't you dare act like you had anything to do with that!"

Unkar was on his feet before Rey could even process it, the sting across her cheek a shock to her system. She raised a shaky hand to where it burned, taken off guard by his physical abuse. Without another word, she raced out of the room.

He had never laid hands on her once in the six something years he had been raising her.

Fear replaced rage. Even when she used to stand up to him, he would tell her to fuck off and drink until he passed out on the couch. Now, if she even tried to open her mouth to ensure the bastard took no credit for her hard work, she wasn't completely sure what he would do.

Plopping down on her bed, she cradled her cheek that stung only slightly now. It wouldn't leave a mark. The next one might if she wasn’t careful.

The rage came right back at him daring to tell her he ever gave a shit about her. Not once had he kept her safe from the dangers of the world. Most nights she went to bed hungry. The only decent meal she ate was the free school lunches they had to offer to families with limited means of income.

She had to do everything alone.

The trials of being a teenage girl had taken a toll on her and by the time she hit eighteen all she felt was the sharp knife of loneliness. Now that Finn was gone that feeling only increased ten-fold.

Rey had worked hard in school. No one would take credit for that. Even in those moments of pure despair, she had persevered. School had been the one thing to take her mind off of everything she was dealing with.

The sound of her phone pinging with an email startled her out of her racing thoughts. Checking the message, her heart increased in speed ever-so-slightly with who it was from. Dark eyes flashed in her mind, pale skin layered with hard muscle, and full lips made for kissing. Snapping out of her trail of thought she read what it entailed.

_I want you to meet my daughter. Tomorrow._

_Noon if that works for you._

_Ben_

The man truly _was_ one of a few words.

Rey was still trying to wrap her head around the fact she landed the job with him. She was sure he was going to kick her out the door and tell her never to come back. He simply told her to cut the attitude. In that moment-if she's being honest-all she could focus on was how growly his voice had become and the way it made her want to fall to her knees before him.

She had kissed a few guys. Even got to some heavy petting with one but they had been fleeting moments that never went further than that. She was never ready for that final stage until she laid eyes on Ben Solo. All the times she had told Finn that being abstinent was easy all flew out the window. She ached just thinking about what Ben could do to her. He was no boy. He was a man that held promise.

That would never happen, though. It was silly to think a man that looked like Ben would ever want a scrawny girl like herself. She was sure he could easily get a model on each arm if he desired it.

She groaned and rolled onto her side holding a pillow close to her chest. Now, she wanted to know everything Ben desired.

Sending a quick reply to Ben she got ready for bed and turned off the light getting under the warm covers.

"Dangerous thoughts," she murmured to herself before drifting off to sleep.

~♥~

Today Rey decided on something a little more casual to meet his daughter in. She wore her hair in a high ponytail to keep it out of her face just in case she ended up playing. Her ensemble consisted of a blouse, her favorite jean jacket, black leggings, and converse to finish off the outfit.

Nerves wracked her body. She raised her trembling fist to knock on the white-painted door. She heard his heavy footfalls drawing closer no more than a minute later. She did her best to school her features so she didn’t appear fazed by him. The door opened and even though she had done everything to prepare her for this moment, she still found herself caught off guard by his presence.

He was a mammoth of a man. The form-fitting navy blue shirt hugging the expanse of his chest highlighted every inch of muscle he had. Jeans wrapped around thick thighs that she was desperate to latch onto while doing something entirely too raunchy to be thinking about when she noted the tiny girl in his arms eyeing her curiously.

Rey noted the little girl had golden hair and big green eyes like a meadow, nothing like her dad's amber eyes. They had similar facial structures but where his angles were hard hers were soft. They were obviously related, yet, the mother's features stood out more prominently.

The girl became shy under Rey's perusal, tucking her face into Ben's neck. Rey almost collapsed at how cute they looked together. This big brooding man with a little girl that became dwarfed in his burly arms. It was the cutest thing she had seen in ages.

"Come in," Ben said, once again breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them.

Rey nodded, following him inside. The door shut with a soft click and they wound up in the living room. He taking his armchair and Rey sitting on the couch shifting uncomfortably under his dark gaze.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice."

"I'm glad you arranged this meeting. I couldn't wait to meet her. However, you never told me her name."

"Mila,” he murmured.

"That's a very pretty name,” Rey said with a wide smile.

Rey watched as Mila perked up at her name being called pretty. She was already on the right track of helping Mila become comfortable with having her around.

"Her mom named her."

"Well, she picked wisely."

"Yeah," he muttered, running a large palm over the back of Mila's head. Rey could see how tender the movement was.

"So, you work Monday through Friday?"

"Yes, is that a problem?" She didn’t miss the irritation in his voice. Instead of playing into it she simply smiled, shaking her head.

"No, that's perfectly fine."

"I'll pay you fifteen an hour. That enough?"

She almost blanched at the price. Fifteen an hour five days a week for six hours was more than enough. She almost felt bad nodding her head in confirmation. She figured arguing with him in front of his daughter wasn’t appropriate.

"She's a bit shy."

"I'm not shy, daddy," Mila squeaked batting his chest.

She had finally sat up straight, scowling at her dad. Rey could now see just how much Mila did look like Ben.

Ben chuckled pressing a swift kiss to her rosy cheeks. She giggled pushing at him. "Then say hi to our guest if you're not so shy," he teased.

Rey didn’t know what to do about this side of Ben. He was too sexy when he smiled that lopsided grin. Rey wished she could take a picture of the moment but settled with taking a mental image of it instead.

Mila turned to look at Rey, a wide smile formed on her face. "I'm Mila. What's your name?"

_Straight to the heartstrings_

"Rey."

"You have a pretty name," Mila said bashfully.

"I think yours is pretty too.” The little girl already capturing Rey’s heart in her tiny hand.

"Can we be friends?"

Rey was unable to stop that laugh that escaped her. "I would love nothing more than to be your friend, Mila."

Mila squealed in delight. Ben cringed slightly due to the fact the high pitched noise was right by his ear. Yet, he didn’t seem mad at all, a small grin continued to grace his features.

Mila scrambled off of her dad's lap and before Rey knew it she spent the next two hours playing with stuffed animals with whole character arcs behind them. Rey couldn’t get enough of Mila's storytelling, it surprised her that this little girl was only five years old. The stories she created from scratch were detailed and held an emotion behind them that not even most adults could emote.

Mila had no quarrel in telling Rey all about herself. Rey learned so many facts about Mila that it was hard to keep up but the ones that made Rey smile were- Mila loved swimming, eating all types of fruits, loved arts and crafts, would do anything to help an injured animal, and absolutely loved her daddy with her whole heart.

Rey had never seen such purity. It made her want to cry at just how intelligent and wise Mila truly was. The empathy she had was something Rey was not accustomed to. To be loved by Mila must be something truly rewarding. No wonder Ben smiled the way he did around Mila. She was the definition of what good entailed. It would be difficult to be a big grump around her.

Eventually, Ben told Mila to get ready for dinner. Rey wasn’t expecting the girl to hug her and caught herself before toppling over when Mila jumped at her wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Bye-bye, Rey."

Rey held her close, basking in her light and warmth. "I'll see you soon."

With one last wave, Mila raced out of the room. Once she was out of the picture all the tension rushed back in. It was suffocating. Rey struggled to breathe properly. She didn’t understand the intensity of his gaze on her. She laughed nervously trying to break the energy that had surrounded them.

"You're good with her." He frowned as he said it. His eyes fixed on her face, the green flecks ever-present amongst the amber. She didn’t know why he seemed so troubled by the fact she was good with his daughter. She thought that was supposed to be a good thing.

"I told you I'm good with kids," she replied, unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

When she met his gaze again she went rigid seeing the way his lips were pulled tight, brows in that scowl. All the warmth he had left with his daughter.

"Must be easy when you are a kid yourself."

Rey openly glared at him, heat spanned the length of her body tinting her golden skin in a pink hue. "I'm not a kid. I'm an adult."

She hated the condescending look he pinned her with, it made her feel small. She was sure that was what his intentions were. After all the bullying and being treated like shit for most of her life she was not going to stand down to this man. She refused to be weak anymore.

"I may not look like I'm eighteen but I am Mr. Solo," she snapped not missing the way his jaw clenched when she called him that. "If that's a problem, then I don't know what to tell you. I'm good with your daughter. I promise I'm not an idiot. I can handle responsibility if you _must_ know."

"I thought I fucking told you to watch your attitude," he growled taking a step closer to her. She was unprepared for his profanity, the word sounding a little too appealing to her ears. The air around them grew hotter as he took another step forward.

Rey huffed out a frustrated breath, placing her hands on her hips angrily. She chose to ignore the intensity of his gaze. "What do you expect to get when you talk down to me? I'm not your daughter, Mr. Solo. So, don't act like you're my father. I'm here to care for her and if you and I get along," she shrugged her shoulders, "Well, I don't really care if we get along or not."

"You've got quite the mouth on you, kid." He was so tall, especially at the moment he appeared even taller. All the green and amber in his eyes dissolved into black making her involuntarily shiver. She swore her skin was throbbing due to how much her adrenaline was racing.

"Maybe if you didn't push so damn much then I wouldn't have reason to give you lip."

He jerked his gaze away as if burnt. She watched his jaw set stubbornly. "I go back to work this Monday. I'll send you the directions to Mila's school. Don't be late," he grumbled. "Now get the hell out of my house."

"Gladly.”

Not wasting any time she scurried to her car, burning with a feeling she hadn't felt. She gripped her steering wheel. She felt the need to release a scream, instead, she pushed it way down letting it bubble until it dissipated.

_What the hell is going on?_

Her stomach burned, her skin felt aflame, and the slickness between her thighs was something she couldn't ignore. 

_Was this what true lust felt like? True need?_

Not even with any of her past flings had this feeling erupted in her. Now, standing up to him and seeing his dark eyes upon her she felt like she was going to die if she didn't alleviate this sensation that had built inside her.

She couldn't quite wrap her brain around how she could want and hate a man so much. It didn't make sense, these dueling feelings, and she wasn't sure what to do anymore. She would care for his kid and leave right when he arrived home.

She didn't have to stay longer than that.

This would work.

Or so she hoped it would.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo


	3. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all <3

_**Sometimes I wish for falling** _   
_**Wish for the release** _   
_**Wish for falling through the air** _   
_**To give me some relief** _   
_**Because falling is not the problem** _   
_**When I'm falling I'm in peace** _   
_**It's only when I hit the ground** _   
_**It causes all the grief** _

"Daddy doesn't like you," Mila said the moment she was buckled into her car seat. Rey was just about to slide her key into the ignition, stopped short by her words.

Rey turned to face Mila who sat adorably in the back, her blonde hair in two neat pigtails, a blue bow securing each one in place. The knowledge that Ben had done that for her irked Rey. He could be so gentle, and yet with her, he was the asshole of the century.

She wondered if he behaved like that in general, and if so, what stick was shoved so far up his ass that he had to take his anger out on everybody but the person he truly despised.

Rey forced a smile upon her face. "Is that so, sweetheart?"

Mila fumbled with her thumbs, giving a shy nod. "He's always grumpy with people but with you, he's super grumpy." Mila prolonged ‘super' and Rey couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped her, feeling some of the tension leave her body. She had Mila to thank for that.

Rey couldn't blame Mila for her observation. Rey had been babysitting her for an entire month and Ben had yet to warm up to her.

He came home from work- always in clean clothes not a sign of sweat or grime on his pale skin-and walked right past her like she were no more than a ghost. He always went straight for Mila and held her in his arms asking her how her day was. It was obviously the cutest shit ever but it still pissed Rey off that he didn't even take the time to acknowledge her.

She would gather her stuff together silently, sending a weak goodbye his way. He always responded with a flick of his head and a permanent scowl adorning his features. Mila, on the other hand, would sprint over to her, demanding a hug goodbye. It always broke down the walls that Ben built with his cold demeanor. Mila could warm even the iciest of hearts.

"Your dad hardly talks to me. How do you know he doesn't like me?"

She huffed out a breath. "That's how I know. Daddy always talks to people even when he doesn't want to. He never talks to you and that means he must not like you right?"

Rey couldn’t get over how intelligent Mila was at just five years old. Rey wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to be a child genius. "I'm not sure why he ignores me, Mila. All I care about is you and your well being."

Mila's eyes grew sad. Rey could literally feel her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I think he's lonely. Mommy broke his heart," she whispered the last part as if it was a dirty thing to be talking about.

"Where is your mommy, Mila?"

She shrugged. "She didn't want me. Daddy and Mommy used to argue all the time. She called him mean things.” Her little hands balled into fists. "I don't like the things she called Daddy."

Rey’s whole demeanor softened, a sadness sinking deep into her bones. "Sometimes two people are just not meant for each other but your dad loves you a lot. So, you have nothing to worry about. He'll always be there for you."

"But who will be there for him?"

Rey was rendered speechless by how pure Mila's soul was. She was so selfless and loving. Rey found her voice, swallowing down the knot that had formed there.

"I'm sure someone will be there for him too."

"I hope so," she murmured and turned to stare out the window. It was a blatant clue that she no longer wanted to discuss the matter at hand. Rey finally started her piece of trash car. She arrived at the house to see Ben's car already parked in the driveway. Another car parked along the street.

Rey parked alongside the curb, turning off the machine, moving to help Mila out of her car seat. Taking Mila's backpack upon her shoulder, she was startled by Mila's hand slipping into hers.

"That's mommy's car," Mila said with a shiver that Rey felt flow through herself.

_Speak of the devil and it shall appear._

Rey swallowed and put on her most radiant smile. She saw how it immediately calmed Mila. Rey gently squeezed her hand in reassurance. They skipped up the porch steps to the door, both giggling at their silliness.

Rey unlocked the door with the key made for her. They walked in together to hear the sound of shouting. It was angry and full of hurt. Rey could practically feel the loneliness in her bones at the way he yelled with such conviction. It reminded Rey of the way she had always wanted to speak to her Uncle.

Mila released a small whimper. That helpless sound was enough to spur Rey into action. She picked Mila up into her arms heading straight to her room. She softly closed the door behind her, laying Mila on the bed. Rey found a Disney playlist on her Spotify, handing the phone to Mila. Mila looked up at her with wide eyes, taking the device, the sound of “When will my life begin” blaring through the speaker.

"You stay in here and I'll be right back, okay?"

Mila nodded but grabbed Rey's wrist before she could leave. "Be careful," she murmured.

"Don't worry. Daddy and Mommy are just a little upset. I'll get them to calm down. You just listen to the tunes."

Mila released her, a miserable expression furrowing her blonde brows. At that moment, Rey wished she could wipe that look right off her face. No five year old should ever be able to make such an expression. Rey rushed out of the room before she broke down crying. She had to remain calm and defuse the situation at hand.

Walking into the kitchen with much more bravado than she felt, she saw the way Ben's face was contorted into a mask of rage.

_Wild._

_He's a damn animal._

_He shouldn't look so good right now either._

Rey's thoughts went on a tangent until she grasped hold of them and stepped forward. Icy blue eyes landed on her in an instant. The woman's hair was in a perfect wave around her angelic face.

Rey had never seen a woman so beautiful. She was taken aback a bit, unable to form words.

The woman was classy in her designer dress and heels. There was not a single flaw that marred her olive skin. Rey could almost believe the woman was not from this planet.

"Who are you?" The woman asked eyeing Rey with contempt.

Ben's dark gaze fell on Rey. He stood a little taller, crossing his arms over his chest, accentuating the muscles in his arms. The anger had been wiped from his expression replaced with a stern jaw and a slight twitch under his left eye.

"Rey, I'm Mila's babysitter," Rey replied, the words coming out monotone. She didn’t feel the need to say much more. She was here for Mila not for them.

"Babysitter? _Seriously_ , Ben?" The woman cried out incredulously.

Ben shoved a hand through his hair, that nervous tic returning as he sighed, undeniably frustrated. "I fucking work. I can't give up my job because some dipshit is paying all my bills. I have to care for Mila with no help from you. So yeah, I have a babysitter."

The woman ignored what Ben had said, scanning Rey from head to toe. Her bright lips curled into a sneer as she took in Rey's overalls and gray shirt underneath. Rey stood her ground, refusing to let this woman get to her.

"You hired a child to take care of our child?"

"She's eighteen."

"Are you kidding me? She looks like she's barely fourteen. Look, she doesn't even have a chest," she said with a cruel laugh. "Must suck to still have the body of a boy at eighteen, huh?"

Rey's face flooded with heat at the comment. Of course, the woman would know where to hit Rey where it hurt most. She had always been too lean and lanky for her liking. Still, she didn’t need to hear it from some lady she didn’t even know.

“I don’t think my body is relevant to the fact you two are arguing at the top of your lungs when there is a five-year-old girl that shouldn’t fall victim to witnessing your guy’s issues. I think you two need to settle this like mature adults.” Rey could hear the shake in her voice but she got the words out, all the same, something the two needed to hear.

The woman stared at Rey like she had grown a second head in the two minutes she had spoken. Ben, on the other hand, made her want to crawl into a hole. His stare was frightening in its anger. He looked two seconds away from completely losing his cool. Rey shook her head, forcing the next words to push free from her mouth.

“I know you both don’t want to hear this from some _kid_ but Mila should be your priority and whatever is between you two needs to be settled in a way that doesn’t scare her. You two have to be old enough to at least understand that.”

“You’re right, I don’t need some child telling me how I should behave around my daughter,” the woman snapped, stepping closer to Rey. Ben whipped his hand out at lightning speed, grasping onto her lean bicep, stopping her progression forward.

“I think it’s time to go, Eliza,” Ben said eerily calm.

Rey watched the hatred form on Eliza’s face, making her appear not so beautiful anymore. She could see underneath the makeup that all that lay beneath was a cruel woman, ugly on the inside and out.

Eliza tore her arm away from him. “This isn’t over,” she hissed before pushing past Rey to get to the door. A loud slam rang in the air and a moment later silence overcame the room.

The tension that filled the room felt like a rubber band wound too tight, moments away from snapping. “Well, I’m going to say bye to Mila,” Rey murmured, escaping from Ben's stormy gaze.

She rushed up the stairs, finding Mila fast asleep, the Disney playlist still playing softly. Rey felt some of the tension leave her body, bending down to gently take her phone back. She tucked it away and pressed a kiss to Mila’s forehead.

"I'll see you soon, sweetheart,” she whispered, trying to not wake her from her peaceful slumber.

When Rey turned to leave Ben was there filling up the doorway with his massive form. He reached up placing his hands on the edge of the top of the doorframe, stretching the cotton material tight around his biceps. She couldn’t stop from trailing her eyes over the spiral of veins that raced through his brawny arms.

Rey shot him a puzzled look before stepping forward. "I need to go.”

She watched as he made no move to let her step aside, craning her neck back to look up at him. Her heart skipped a beat at the look in his eyes, if she didn't know any better she would think he was about to eat her alive.

Her throat became dry. She swallowed hoping to alleviate the tightness in her throat. It proved to be futile. Sweat skated down her spine as he continued to rake his dark gaze all over. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip, biting down to the point she was sure she might draw blood.

"You just say whatever the hell you want, don't you?" It's more of a statement than a question but Rey responded anyways.

"It's a free country, Mr. Solo."

He growled, low and throaty hitting her right in the gut. The muscle on his cheek twitched. A dull throb started between her legs and she did everything to not rub her thighs together. He would notice and then he would know just how much she wanted him.

"I hate when you call me that."

"Mr. Solo? That is your name isn't it?"

"Reminds me of my fucking father. My name is Ben. I don't want you calling me anything but that."

His tongue glided along his bottom lip. Rey followed the movement adamantly. He caught her. She watched as his pupils expanded, becoming liquid black. She didn’t know what to think when he looked at her like that. It hit her deep. She could almost imagine his flesh warm and muscled under her hand. It sent a surge down her spine. She found herself backing away slightly from him.

"I think it's up to me to decide what to call you right…Mr. Solo?" She was well aware that it was only going to suffice to piss him off but she couldn’t help herself.

As expected, he lunged forward, seeming prepared to kill her or kiss her. The two seemed to be blurring together at this point until a soft sound yanked them both out of their game of tug-of-war.

"Just go," Ben snapped moving towards Mila.

Rey didn’t wait around for him to tell her twice. Mila wouldn’t even know she was in the room with how fast she left. Speeding home, Rey tried to shake all the emotions Ben had yanked out of her.

It was reckless to be so angry and by the time she got home, she was unable to bottle up her emotions any longer. Rey stormed inside going straight to the kitchen and stole one of Plutt's beer. The taste was horrible. She sucked it down anyways.

"What the fuck are you doing, girl?" Plutt snarled spewing spittle in the process.

Rey chuckled bitterly, raising the beer in her hand. "Doing whatever the fuck I want, that's what you insufferable prick!

Plutt was seething. He charged forward snatching the beer out of her hand and threw it down to the ground causing it to shatter. Rey knew she was in danger but still, she pushed the man before her. A man that had never given a damn about her.

"Go to hell, Uncle! You fucking bastard!"

His palm whipped across her cheek, the sting didn’t faze her this time. She laughed maniacally in his face.

"You little bitch!" His fist pummeled straight into her face, hard enough to whip her head back. She fell back against the stove, barely managing to hang on until another landed on her jaw and the world went black.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo


	4. Landfill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am going through some pretty massive depression at the moment and the only thing that can alleviate the pain I'm feeling is to write.  
> Your comments seriously help and I appreciate each and every one of them. 
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

_**'Cause this is torturous electricity  
Between both of us and this is  
Dangerous 'cause I want you so much  
But I hate your guts  
I hate you** _

When Rey came to she was shrouded in complete darkness. Her jaw ached and her eye felt like it was caved in on itself. Her entire body felt heavy as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. All the blood rushed to her head causing her to become extremely dizzy. She almost threw up the minimal contents in her stomach.

She grasped onto the side of her end table and hoisted herself to unsteady feet. Rey walked as fast as her body would allow her to as she made her way into the bathroom.

The light flickered on. She struggled for breath when she took in her battered face. The underside of her jaw had a purplish hue while the one that had formed around her eye was a mess of black and blue.

"Fuck," she hissed.

She grabbed a cloth, wetting it, and gently dabbed it on the blood that caked her lip. Checking the time she groaned that it was five in the morning. She had been knocked out cold and the bastard didn't think to apply ice to her face.

Quickly stepping into the kitchen to find no sign of Plutt-thankfully-she grabbed an ice pack and began the process of reducing the swelling of her bruises.

Rey had never been any good at applying makeup. The concealer she put on was blotchy but the best Rey could do with her limited abilities. She had been shocked to find the makeup in the first place and thanked her somewhat lucky stars for giving her at least that.

It would make due for the day and as soon as Ben arrived home she would dip out. He wouldn't notice her anyway. He never did.

Getting ready for the day in jeans and a t-shirt she kept her hair down. She put on a hat for added measure and was almost out the door when she heard Plutt's heavy footfalls behind her.

"Where do you think you're going?" He griped.

Clutching the strap of her purse she cursed all that was holy. Turning to face him, she kept her eyes to the ground. She wasn't in the mood to look the bastard in the eye.

"Work."

"You should have called off."

Rey scoffed. "I'm not going to screw Mr. Solo over because you can't keep your hands to yourself. He has a daughter and she is my responsibility. I have to go."

Plutt stomped over to her. It took a lot of strength not to flinch away from him. Meeting his lethal glare she continued to stand her ground.

"You had what was coming to you. You know that right?"

"Whatever you say. I really have to go."

Without another word, Rey hurried out of the house and ignored her racing heart. She had somewhere to be and that was what would get her through that moment of fear. Once she saw Mila everything would be okay.

_Everything would be okay._

~♥~

Rey managed to keep Mila distracted with movies, the little girl hardly paid attention to the bruises that marred Rey’s face. Mila was having a ball dancing to all her favorite Disney tunes and by the time six rolled around Mila had not noticed the damage inflicted upon Rey.

The sound of Ben's boots hitting the wood floor had Rey gathering her stuff quickly finally catching the attention of Mila.

"Rey, are you okay?" Mila tilted her head, trying to get a glimpse at Rey’s face.

Rey nodded, smiling even though it stung to do so. "I'm okay. I just have some things I need to take care of, sweetheart." Rey pressed a quick kiss to Mila's forehead, making her trek towards the front door. She was almost out when his voice stopped her in her tracks.

"I want to talk to you." His tone demanded obedience.

Rey wanted to throw a baseball at his head. She was growing so sick and tired of people thinking they had the right to talk down to her. All she wanted was for someone to give a shit about her for once in her life.

"I have to go," Rey said through clenched teeth.

"You can go after I talk to you."

"You don't _own_ me. I don't _have_ to listen to you, Mr. Solo." Her hand was still wrapped around the knob. Her hair a shield from him seeing her face.

"Stop making this difficult. It will be a quick conversation. I'm sure whatever you need to do can wait,” he grumbled. She could tell he was annoyed, barely managing to keep a leash on his feelings.

Rey ground her teeth in agitation, wanting so bad to shout at him but that would mean meeting his eyes and she could not allow him to see her in this shape right now. He probably wouldn't even care.

"I'm sorry but I really have to go."

Rey turned the knob. In a heartbeat, Ben was hovering beside her his large hand covering hers. His palm was calloused and rough against her skin. It heated her from the inside out, her hand was flushing red. She could only hope he wouldn’t notice how it made her tan skin appear blotchy.

" _Please_ , I want to apologize and I'm just being even more of a dick because I don't do shit like this," he muttered. "I really am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It's just I'm not used to having another adult in my space. It's going to take time for me to adjust."

The apology was from the heart, Rey could tell just by the tone of his voice. The way it turned almost tender, inviting. She knew not to trust people who could go from one emotion to the next in less than a second, especially with someone as lethal looking as Ben Solo. She wanted to turn to him but she needed to go before he caught sight of her watery eyes that would no doubt ruin her shitty makeup if she let the tears fall.

"It's fine," she said shakily. "I have to go."

"Look at me," he demanded in a husky voice that did things to Rey even in the state she was in.

"I can't," she whispered trying to tug the door open. The evident strength that kept her from opening the door didn’t surprise her. She already knew she was no match for Ben or any other man at this point. Maybe if she knew how to defend herself she wouldn't have wound up getting beat up by her sadistic Uncle.

"I said look at me, Rey."

He had the string that tied her to the end of it and with a gentle tug, she was staring him straight in the eyes. Her hand fell to her side as she gazed up at him, helpless to run away. His eyes wandered over her face, darkening as they took in the ruined makeup, and what lay beneath it all. His hand cupped the back of her neck drawing her closer to him, surprising her. 

"What the fuck? Who fucking did this to you?" His voice so low it sent a pleasant shiver down her spine.

Rey laughed nervously, a high flitting sound. "I'm fine. I ran into a door. I'm a klutz, Ben," she said in a way that was unconvincing even to her ears.

The rise and fall of his chest became heavier, nostrils flaring as he began to breathe harder. "Tell me who did this to you, _now_."

"No one."

Her eyes flitted to the ground. His thumb and forefinger caressed her chin gently and tilted her head back up. His eyes had softened by measures. She was surprised by the worried way he looked at her. His brows knitted together. His mouth pulled into more of a grimace than a scowl. All in all, it didn’t reflect any sign of anger anymore.

"Don't lie to me," he pleaded. "I want to know who did this to you."

His eyes were too kind. Too inviting. She couldn’t handle it. She didn’t know how it felt to be wanted by anyone. The people she loved always left. She couldn’t trust him. Not now. Not ever.

"Then what?" she said with a little too much vehemence. Frustration overpowered her and she managed to shove him away. "I don't need you to help me, Mr. Solo. I can take care of myself."

His face morphed into a wicked kind of beauty that almost came as a relief compared to his concerned expression. She didn’t know if she could take him actually giving a shit about her. It would be too much to handle.

He laughed mirthlessly, shoving long fingers through his ebony locks, and backed away from Rey slightly. She appreciated the space even if it was minimal. His scent had taken over her senses and it was making her want to find out how he tasted. If he cared about her what could possibly stop her from doing such a thing.

"Of course you can take care of yourself. You _are_ eighteen." Rey flinched at the sarcasm that poured out of him, a hint of agitation behind his words.

"It was an accident. He didn't mean to hit me." The lie left a bitter taste in her mouth but she refused to get Ben involved in her personal situation.

"A fucking accident?" The agitation was back in full force when the words spewed from his mouth. "Are you fucking kidding me, Rey? You’re really going to stand here and defend a man that dared to lay his hands on you like this?"

"This isn't any of your concern!" She shouted, feeling the emotions racing through her clogging her throat.

"Fuck yes, it is my concern," he snapped diminishing the space between them once again. "You work for me. You take care of my little girl and she's going to see you like this and have questions that you are going to have to answer. I don't want her to learn that lying and letting someone hit you is seen as acceptable. So, yes, this is definitely my concern."

Rey couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, letting them fall freely. No matter how embarrassing it was to allow him to see her weak like this, she couldn’t stop. 

"She didn't even see."

"She might see tomorrow or the next time this happens. She's not an idiot. She will pick up on your mood eventually and want to know what is wrong." His massive hand cupped the back of her neck once more. He was so warm. She wanted to bask in it forever. "And do you really think I'm going to stand by and let someone lay hands on you? Do you honestly believe that's the kind of man I am?"

"I don't want you to get in trouble because of me,” she whispered, raising her eyes to his.

He released a breath of air, chuckling. "I think I already knew you would cause me trouble the moment you opened your mouth."

That comment drew his attention to her lips. His eyes darkened with a craving she knew all too well.

She started when his thumb lightly traced across the cut on her lower lip. He mumbled an apology. Rey remained stock-still under his ministrations. His eyes roved over her face as if memorizing every detail even with the bruises that painted it purple and black.

Her breath skipped with how close he was, that familiar throb starting up between her legs the longer they remained in this proximity.

His fixation had her mind conjuring up different ways they could pass the time. She made a noise at the back of her throat just thinking about the way his fingers would fill her up. They were long and thick, perfect for stretching her out. At this point she just wanted a guy to know what he was doing.

"Rey," he muttered, almost to himself. Her eyes went back and forth between his face and his throat, seeing the severe pounding of his pulse. All his emotions were bubbling to the surface. He couldn’t seem to stop them from doing so. He had an expressive face. He couldn’t hide anything even if he wanted to.

"Tell me who did this to you," he bit out as if hating the way he knew how he was looking at her and touching her.

"Ben-"

"Just fucking tell me, Rey." He seemed so close to losing control, reminding her of an animal all carnal instinct to defend and kill for his pack.

He watched her intensely, a silent demand in them for her to tell the truth and stop beating around the bush.

"My Uncle. I stole one of his beers. It's not like he hit me for no reason."

Naked affliction danced on his features. Rey swallowed down the tension that had built in her throat practically suffocating her in the process. She had never been looked at like this in her life and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. It was too carnal, too ardent, and all too exciting for her poor heart to take.

"Your Uncle and I need to have a little talk."

She shook her head vehemently. "No," she hissed. "That is not going to happen. You are going to stay out of this."

"What if he beats you to the point you don't wake up? What am I supposed to do then? I can't just sit idly by and allow this to happen! Don't you fucking understand?"

"No, I don't understand! We hardly know each other and I've been babysitting Mila for a little over a month now. You avoid me at all costs, so what do you expect huh?"

"Yes, we both know I've been a giant ass and that probably won't change but I will talk to your Uncle and you will come live with me."

Her brows jumped to her hairline. She pinned him with a disbelieving look. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I have a guest house. You'll be safe there and I recently was offered a promotion that would require me to go into work earlier. I'm not going to be able to drop Mila off anymore. It would make things easier and you wouldn't have to worry about your piece of shit Uncle laying hands on you ever again. You can focus on school or whatever you want."

"You're fucking insane," she scoffed, turning to leave.

"Just think about it," he insisted

"I have to go."

He grasped onto her bicep. His hand was so huge that it almost wrapped around the entire circumference of it.

"If he lays another fucking hand on you," he snarled, his words harsh enough to cause blisters, "I'll fucking kill him with my bare hands."

On a sharp intake of air, she nodded and he allowed her to leave.

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, even though it hurt like a bitch to do so.

All because she knew Ben Solo would make good on that promise.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my spotify playlist called 'Songs for Reylo'
> 
> Check it out <3
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7L4zaaPN9C3p1HX0FHv59j?si=7DTOdoxFROm-jo8OSXigqA)


	5. Afterlife

_**I, I, I'm waiting for the afterlife** _

  
_**To show me a good time, baby** _

  
_**Somebody save me, I just wanna be loved** _

It shouldn't have been this easy to find where she lived.

Rey had the day off due to it being Saturday. Ben managed to take Mila to daycare even though he hated the fact he had to do so. He trusted Rey more than the smiling older ladies where they seemed too friendly and strange in his opinion.

She hadn't even given her address to him, and yet, here he was idling outside in his truck staring at the shitty excuse for a house.

It was rundown, to say the least. The grass had grown too long, turned an ugly shade of yellow. The entire house needed a paint job, dirty streaks ran down the sides, and the windows looked like anybody could break in with ease.

His own house wasn't exactly what he had always dreamt of. It was what Eliza had wanted and at the time he was madly in love with her. So much so that he went along with the contractors to design a house she specifically wanted. He had changed the inside since she left but it still reminded him too much of her.

He met Eliza in high school. They ended up marrying only a couple of years later. Things were always on rocky ground between the two of them. Eliza had a wandering eye and on too many occasions he had found her sidling up to other men, sometimes even his own friends.

When she got pregnant with Mila she had threatened to get an abortion. In the end, she had a change of heart mostly because Ben begged her not to do so. Once Mila was born Eliza didn't stick around for more than a couple years. During that time, Ben didn’t even know the number of times she cheated on him.

He focused solely on Mila. He had been glad that Eliza was at least in the picture. That was until Eliza found some rich asshole that wanted to marry her and she filed for divorce when Mila turned four.

Ben had felt ice glaze over his heart when he signed the papers. At thirty-two he was a divorcee and practically a single-dad. It wasn't like an abundance of women were chasing after him. Still, that hadn't mattered until Rey bounded into his life.

He shouldn't even think twice about her hazel eyes or her plush lips. She was still maturing into her body, not entirely filled out but she was still the most enchanting woman he had ever laid his eyes on.

The things Eliza said about her were total garbage and nowhere near the truth. Rey didn't even have to try to be beautiful. She had effortless beauty that topped Eliza in every way possible.

_These thoughts were dangerous._

He couldn't even count how many times he had almost taken himself in hand and gotten off to that perfect face of hers.

He hated how much he wanted to fist her hair and watch her try to take all of him in her tiny mouth.

 _Dangerous_ he repeated over and over in his head.

The reality was she was too good for him in every sense of the word.

On top of that fact she really was too young for him to be doting on her.

She deserved a guy that would take her out on dates, tell her how pretty she was constantly, and gently fuck into her ensuring she wouldn’t be in pain.

The things he imagined had earned him a one-way ticket straight to hell.

Her bruised face filtered in and broke the lustful haze he had been in, replacing it with unkempt fury. Tightening his hold on the steering wheel, his knuckles bled into white. He didn’t even know what he was about to do. He could only hope it didn’t wind up with him behind bars. Gathering his wits he turned off the ignition, making his way up the path to the door that was a sickly green color.

Raising his fist he rapped his knuckles hard enough to shake the door. He heard heavy footfalls and a man grumbling angrily to himself before it was whipped open. The man stared directly at his chest, blue eyes widening slightly before dragging up to meet Ben's icy stare.

"Can I help you?" Plutt mumbled bringing his beer up to his lips.

"Is Rey here?"

Plutt sneered, his eyes taking in all of Ben. "What's it to you?"

"I'm her employer. Ben Solo." Ben didn’t offer his hand, instead choosing to cross his arms over his chest. He smirked when he saw sweat begin to form on the bastard's forehead.

_That's right you piece of shit, be fucking scared._

Dark energy surged around Ben, his adrenaline beginning to spike just being in the presence of the man that dared to hit Rey-so damn pure, like a fucking angel-more than once.

"She babysits your kid?"

"Yeah. Does that matter?"

Plutt shrugged, trying to play things cool. Ben sensed the façade right away. This man was about two seconds from pissing his pants, practically shaking in his disgusting slippers. He combed chubby fingers through his minimal hair. Ben noted the sweat that coated it.

"Rey is a bit young to be taking care of a kid. I think you should find someone older."

"What does age have to do with it? Your niece passed the interview with flying colors. She managed to get the job above many people a lot older and more qualified than her."

"So why did you choose her?"

"Because she has a good heart and doesn't just think about herself. She isn't a doormat though. When she needs to stand up for herself she has no problem with doing that. She may be young but she cares for my daughter like she were her own and still she doesn't try to be Mila's mom. She tells me when I'm fucking up," his voice dropped an octave, becoming deep and borderline devilish as he stepped closer to Plutt who had the intelligence to back up. "And it pisses me off, trust me, it does, but I would never lay a violent hand on her. _Never_."

"Rey is an irresponsible little brat that has been nothing but a thorn in my side. You have no idea what it's like to raise a child that isn't even yours. I didn't ask for my bitch of a sister to go off and die and leave me with her spawn. The girl is _not_ this saint you believe her to be."

A sardonic smile stretched across Ben's face as he stepped through the threshold, closing the door behind him. Plutt had continued to back away, shaking in blatant fear, and yet, he still had the guts to talk about Rey the way he did. As if he had the right to justify what he did.

"It doesn't matter if you wanted her or not. She became your responsibility and you decided to beat her into submission. You dared to lay a hand on an innocent girl who didn't deserve that violence. She doesn't deserve that from anybody. I have a temper like no other but I'm not usually a violent man, however, I think the only way to get through to guys like you is to give you a taste of your own medicine."

Plutt raised his hands in defense. "It was a mistake. I shouldn't have hit her but she stole my beer and she always gets this attitude with me. She fucking had it coming!"

Ben grasped the man by the collar of his shirt with both hands, yanking him closer so they were eye to eye.

"It doesn't matter how much lip she gives you, that doesn't justify you punching her so hard you knocked her unconscious."

"You don't know I did that!"

"Her jaw was swollen and the entire side of her face was purple and you're telling me that didn't knock her out? Don't take me for a fool, _Unkar_."

The man let out a frightened yell, lashing his arms out in an attempt to get away from Ben. Ben slammed Plutt against the wall, raising his fist landing it hard onto Plutt's jaw. Pain ricocheted throughout his entire hand but it didn’t stop him from laying another one straight into his eye and another to his cheek.

He was so far gone in his rage that he didn’t hear someone screaming his name, begging him to stop. Cold hands grasped onto his bicep. He stopped immediately, his fist hovering in the air as the red began to clear from his vision.

He was panting, breathing so hard that he felt like he just ran a triathlon. His hand throbbed, all the adrenaline coursing through him numbing the pain. He caught a look at his hand to see the knuckles cracked, his blood mixing with that of Plutt's.

He let go of Plutt. The man slumped to the ground his face a bloody mess.

 _Fuck_.

Ben had not been planning on taking it that far. He couldn't stop no matter how hard he tried. He wanted to hurt Plutt, maybe he even wanted to kill him.

Glancing over his shoulder, he sighed when Rey came into his line of vision. All the tension fled from his shoulders.

He walked toward her like the wounded animal he was.

"I fucked up," he muttered. 

Her hand was covering her mouth as she pressed into the wall opposite of where Plutt lay motionless. She must have stopped him and jumped out of the line of fire. She seemed much too far from him where only moments ago he could feel how cold she was to the touch.

Rey shook her head. Her brows had crept into her brow line. Ben would find it comical if she didn't look so horrified at the moment. Her entire body trembled and Ben felt it like a punch to the balls. He didn't want to scare her and he did just that. He had fucked up his plan to stay calm and talk it out. If Plutt had just shut up this wouldn't have even occurred or that's what he told himself. He was sure either way he was going to knock the living daylights out of Unkar.

"Rey, just call the cops. I'm sure the asshole will press charges on me."

She gave a hurried shake of her head, tears slipping down her golden cheeks.

Rey removed her hand from her mouth, her lower lip was quivering. Ben had half a mind to trace his thumb over the place that was now healing. He had done it before and it had felt so natural, like coming home. It had only sufficed to make him crave her more. She had allowed him to touch her in such a way and that proved she at least trusted him a little bit.

"He won't press charges. He's been in and out of the can for so long now that they'll believe he's talking rubbish. Plus, they'll just say he got what he deserved. He has enemies," she said in a panicked breath. "You have to go, now." She looked so frightened as if she had no idea what to do. Ben hated that he put that worry there.

Moving into her space he gently placed his hands on her shoulders giving them a reassuring squeeze. "Everything will be okay, Rey. If what you say is true, then I'm in the clear."

Her hazel eyes met his own. He could feel all his walls crumbling down. His hands skimmed up the sides of her neck. She released a shaky breath leaning into his touch. All his resistance to her wearing thin.

"You still have to go before he wakes up."

"You think I'm going to leave you here? He'll fucking take his anger out on you and I'm not going to let that happen to you ever again."

"I can't live with you, Ben. It wouldn't be,” she hesitated, “appropriate."

"Why? You would be living in my guest house and caring for my daughter. I'll pay you more if that's the problem."

Rey clasped a hand on the back of his where it rested on her uninjured cheek, thumb trailing back and forth over the bone. "That's not the problem. I just think it would be confusing for Mila. People would get ideas about us and I don't want her being taunted over things of that matter."

"Who gives a fuck what people say? You and I know there is nothing happening between us." If by saying the words, he realized he was holding her in an intimate way. Of course, people would get the wrong idea. Still, he wasn’t going to let her get beaten day in and day out.

"Ben," she whispered.

"I'm not going to let that man lay his hands on you like that ever again. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you because of me. _Please_ , just come live with me, Rey."

"This is a bad idea."

"Maybe it is but I don't care. I want to keep you safe and as far as I know, this is the only way I can do so."

"What are we going to tell Mila?"

"She'll understand. Trust me, Rey. Don't worry about that."

Rey swallowed and nodded. "Fine. Let me get my things together."

Ben heaved a sigh of relief. "I'll be waiting."

While Rey packed, Ben ensured Plutt was still breathing. Unfortunately, the sad fuck would live another day. Ben pushed back up to his feet, finding a bag of peas in the freezer pressing it against Plutt's face.

"That's all the help you're getting from me you miserable bastard."

Plutt groaned in his sleep shuddering at Ben's voice.

Rey didn’t take long. They left to pick up Mila, heading to get some food before heading home. Mila rambled on about what she did in daycare. Ben listened attentively, smiling, and laughing at everything she said.

His little girl was his world. The person he would die for in a heartbeat. Even on his darkest days, Mila had shined her bright light upon him, keeping him from pitying himself too much.

Mila may look nothing like him but she was definitely a daddy's girl through and through. He didn't think his life would change for the better until he held her in his arms and everything became brighter. He had remained focused on what he had to do because of her. With her mother out of the picture, it was all for the best.

Parking his truck in the driveway, he opened the door and took Mila into his arms after helping her out of the car seat. Going around to the other side he grabbed Rey's bags before she could protest. He nodded for her to open the door. Her mouth formed into a small scowl but she did what he asked.

Walking in, he pressed kisses to Mila's cheeks, loving the way she giggled and pushed at him like she really wanted him to stop. If he were to stop she would only demand more kisses. Catching Rey's eyes he saw the awe in them. He had the sudden urge to pepper her face in kisses just to see the reaction he could get out of her. Forcing that thought to the deepest depths of his mind he led Rey out the backdoor, passing the pool, and put Mila down long enough to unlock the guest house for Rey.

Mila began to do half cartwheels across the lawn, keeping herself entertained while Ben sat Rey's things down inside.

"It has a bathroom," he said pointing off to the side. "I know it's nothing much but whatever you need just ask and I'll pick it up on Monday for you."

"This is more than enough. Thank you, Ben." She nervously tucked a strand behind her ear.

Ben truly wanted to stop what he did next but his curiosity had gotten the best of him. He took her jaw in his hands, pressing a firm but gentle kiss to her forehead. She gasped, jumping a little at the touch. It was so endearing he wanted to know what other reactions he could draw out of her.

His lips touched her cheek, pressing a couple of soft kisses there that caused her to make a small whimpering sound. His lips ghosted over the bruises, wanting to pour love into the hate inflicted wounds, and wipe them clean from her perfect skin.

Stopping himself from going further, he pressed his forehead to hers. "I promise I'll take care of you, Rey. If you let me."

He pulled away before he did something he'd regret.

"You can raid the kitchen as much as you like. I'm going to put Mila to bed and get some sleep myself. I'll have breakfast ready in the morning. Get some rest."

"Thank you, Ben," she whispered, a flush coated her cheeks.

"Goodnight."

He shut the door behind him, his heart racing faster than it ever had in his life. Mila didn’t seem to notice the shift in him and he was grateful for that.

Laying on his bed staring at the ceiling he came to the realization that he was utterly fucked.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo my loves <3


	6. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the comments I have received have been keeping me afloat.  
> I'm not much of a cryer but I have been crying for at least four days straight. Just know all the comments you all leave give me peace and comfort. 
> 
> I appreciate each and every one of you <3
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

_**Comin' like a hurricane, I take it in real slow** _

_**The world is spinning like a weather vane** _

_**Fragile and composed** _

_**Though I am breaking down again** _

_**I am aching now to let you in** _

Rey traced over the faint bruising on her skin, glad they had finally healed almost to completion.

It had been a couple of weeks since she moved in with Ben. They had yet to talk about what happened between them. She figured he was avoiding the subject for a reason and that was why she decided to keep quiet about it as well. She didn't want to make things awkward between them, especially since she would be living in the guest house, and caring for Mila for the time being.

She _should_ forget about his dark eyes that rendered her speechless.

She _should_ forget about his large hands that engulfed her face with ease.

She _should_ forget about those soft lips pressing against her skin.

But she _couldn’t._

She couldn’t fight the feeling.

She groaned, forcing herself to get ready for the day. She would try her best to forget the forbidden desires rising up in her.

She found Mila already dressed, eating breakfast in the kitchen. There was no sign of Ben. She figured he had already left to work.

"Is your dad here?" She asked grabbing the orange juice out of the fridge.

"Nope, he's gone," Mila said through a mouthful of eggs.

Rey chuckled, pouring herself a tall glass of the orange juice. She sipped on it, relishing the refreshing taste.

She noted the eccentric patterns of Mila’s dress, her smile deepened. "Did you get yourself ready this morning?"

Mila nodded, smiling proudly. "I don't have school so daddy said I could pick whatever I wanted."

"Well, I think you look lovely."

Mila thanked her, becoming bashful until she started shoveling the rest of her breakfast down.

"Can we go swimming today?" Mila asked.

Rey noticed the slight breeze outside, checking the temperature just in case. It was about ninety degrees, relatively hot but not enough to fry like an egg at first contact.

"Of course, sweetheart."

After they finished eating, they blasted the air conditioning for a couple of hours. They managed to stay cool while they watched ‘The Lion King.’

Rey hated to admit she still cried every time Mufasa died. She had to hide her tears when the scene played out. Mila cuddled into Rey's side and didn’t say anything. She didn't have to because Rey already understood Mila could read situations without even having to ask.

After the movie, Mila ran off to change into her bathing suit while Rey cut up watermelon slices. She prepared a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She found a cooler that she packed with ice placing a couple of waters inside, the watermelon slices in a Ziploc bag and the sandwiches as well. She whipped up a batch of lemonade, grabbing a blanket off the couch on her way outside and prepared the entire ensemble on the grass.

Heading back inside she headed into her room, putting on a red bikini. It was plain in every sense of the word but she wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Slipping into shorts and a shirt, she walked back into the kitchen.

Rey was unprepared to see Ben Solo standing there, letting out a yelp at the sight of him. She placed her hand over her heart, trying to steady the rapid beating.

One dark brow rose as he set his stuff onto the counter. Normally, he would have already showered and come home in clean clothes. Today, he was still dressed in a white t-shirt that had the company he worked for logo sprawled across the expanse of his chest. He wore a hat that matted down his thick locks. He still looked much too sexy for his own good. The grime that stained his pale skin made her flush harder for some reason she couldn’t quite understand.

He took off his hat placing it by his other belongings already sprawled out on the counter. "Where's Mila?"

"Getting ready to go swimming." Rey could hear the way her voice shook, hoping he wouldn’t notice how nervous she was.

"It's hot as hell outside. She's going to need to put on sunscreen."

Rey rolled her eyes at the stern comment like she didn’t already know that was rule number one before stepping out under the rays of the blazing sun. Especially with Mila who had fair skin. Rey's attention was drawn to Ben's equally fair skin which actually might be lighter than Mila's now that she was taking a closer look.

"Of course, Mr. Solo."

His jaw clenched. She had to force herself not to smirk at how much he hated being called that. She wondered why he didn’t want to be reminded of his father. She couldn’t gather the nerve to ask him due to the fact she knew he wouldn’t appreciate her asking in the first place.

From what she had gathered so far Ben Solo was a complex man. He could be a brute and then become some gentle giant that she couldn’t quite figure out. He was obviously an amazing father but still held such hatred for the mother. The hatred may be well deserved. However, he needed to move on so that it didn’t affect Mila in the future.

Rey wanted nothing more than to understand Ben but she knew that was not a possibility as of now.

Mila's feet clapped against the tile breaking the tension that had filled the room. A brilliant smile appeared on her face when she saw Ben.

"Daddy!" Mila raced to him, a smile broke on his face as she wrapped her arms around his thigh, digging her face into it.

"Hey, princess," he murmured mussing her hair up.

"Rey and I are going swimming!" Rey chuckled at how wide Mila's eyes were. Her excitement was contagious.

"That sounds fun."

"You should come swimming too, daddy!" Mila let go of him. She bounced up and down whilst clapping her hands.

Ben took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, ebony gaze meeting Rey's for a moment before settling back on Mila. "I should shower first. I don't want to get dirt in the pool," he said.

Rey could feel her pulse thundering as sweat rolled down her spine.

She had yet to see Ben without a shirt on. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle it after seeing just his arms made her mouth go dry. Plus, he would see her body for what it was- plain and simple. Like her bathing suit. She wanted to groan at her cruel fate, holding it down as she watched Ben head over to his room and out of her view.

Letting out a rush of air Rey met Mila's curious eyes. To get her attention off of Rey's obvious distress, she led her outside and helped her put on sunscreen. They ate a couple of watermelon slices until Mila was too restless to sit still. Rey forced herself to shed her clothing to get into the shallow end with Mila.

Mila showed Rey a couple of the tricks she could do like holding her breath underwater for four seconds and the somersaults she could somewhat do. Rey found it all endearing, forgetting about Ben for a good fifteen minutes until he walked outside sporting no shirt and a pair of black board shorts.

The sun burned even hotter on her skin or that was what she would like to blame it on.

It was no doubt the burning inferno inside of her that had flamed her skin and made her mouth dryer than the Sahara desert.

There was no way to describe a man like Ben Solo. Words would never be good enough. Classifying him as some war god was on the right path but even then she thought it was not befitting enough.

Black locks were damp from his recent shower, curling around his neck complimenting the skin that she was desperate to press kisses against if only he would let her return the favor. She was happy to find that those beauty marks didn't stop only at his neck, traveling over his broad chest and down his cut abs. She also found that the scar he had curved over his collar bone, stopping at his right pec. Her curiosity still ran rampant wanting to know how he got such a scar.

Rey couldn’t stop herself from running her gaze along the blue veins that spiraled from his biceps down to his forearms all the way to those strong, capable hands of his.

He was mesmerizing, his back now facing her giving her an eyeful of his traps that she wouldn't mind sinking her nails into when he was-

Rey tore her eyes away from all his glory, seeing that Mila was still happily playing in the shallow not seeming to mind Rey becoming distracted. As Rey was about to turn her eyes back to that god of a man Mila clutched onto her wrist tearing Rey's attention to her.

"Daddy always picks me up and throws me clear across the water, it's so much fun! Maybe he'll do the same for you," Mila said ecstatically not able to understand Rey's inner turmoil at being anywhere near Ben in that kind of proximity.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Rey chuckled nervously.

Mila scowled at her. "No, it's lots of fun."

"You know how to swim that well?"

"I can swim like a mermaid, Rey, like Ariel!"

The scowl was replaced with an infectious smile that soothed Rey's nerves. Ben wouldn't put his little girl in any kind of danger. That would be silly to think about. At this point, she was trying every reason to distract her thoughts from thinking Ben was a good man. It would be easier to see him in that asshole light of his instead of being adorable so much so that her heart couldn't take it.

"I bet you can but I think I'm a little too heavy for daddy." Rey knew the words were a mistake right when they left her mouth. She forgot the 'your' and Ben was stepping into the pool right as she said that.

His eyes whipped over to hers. Her entire body broke out in a sweat even though she was literally in the water. She was somehow saved by the bell when Mila sighed. "That might be true, daddy is strong but I'm a lot smaller than you."

Rey wanted to admire Mila's blunt nature but she was more relieved at the fact her fumble had gone right over Mila's head.

Rey watched her swim excitedly to Ben demanding to be picked up. He lifted her into his arms, holding her off to one side of him using the other arm to swim into the deep end. Mila giggled the entire time, pressing kisses against Ben's cheek over and over again. That warm feeling settled over Rey once again seeing the duo together.

Moments like that just proved that Ben had a bigger heart than he was letting on. He wore a mask to cover up what was going on underneath the surface.

Rey knew she shouldn't let herself get so fixated on him. Especially due to the fact he had a kid and was a hell of a lot older than her. Still, she wanted to help him conquer the demons that he was battling. She didn’t want to change him she only wanted to be there for him.

_I'm fucking crazy._

She couldn’t be thinking like this. It wouldn't end well for either party. She had more important things to focus on, like school and what the future would bring.

Lifting her gaze, her heart stilled for a beat or two before picking up like a stampede of bison.

Mila was having too much fun hanging onto the back of Ben while he waded in the deep end keeping them both afloat.

His dark eyes were staring straight at her chest, any other man would have the decency to look away once they had been caught, not Ben- _fucking_ -Solo. No, he lifted his attention to her and acted like he had done nothing wrong.

Rey glared at him, ducking under the water slightly to cover herself, and still, she drew no reaction out of him. Mila distracted him and Rey was left to stew in her confusion. He was a pervert to do such a thing but she wasn't exactly upset with the look in his eyes. That look…that maybe _just_ maybe Ben wasn't as unaffected as he acted.

"Let's play Marco Polo!" Mila exclaimed.

"Mila-" Ben began but shut his mouth when Mila gave him a death stare.

"Fine, let's play Marco Polo," he grumbled.

"Rey, you go first!"

"Um, okay," Rey stuttered closing her eyes and began to count to ten letting Mila and Ben disperse to a place where they believed they wouldn't be caught.

"Ten, Marco!"

"Polo." Their voices were combined to the point Rey wasn't able to tell which one came from where.

"Marco!"

"Polo!" Mila screamed this time it sounded like it came from the right. Rey began to swim towards the spot hearing giggling as she drew closer.

"Marco," Rey declared.

"Polo!" The voice was coming from right in front of her. Rey reached out catching a giggling Mila.

Mila was more than excited to be it and the game continued on until finally, Mila caught Ben who had been yet to be captured. For someone so big he sure could move around quietly and make his voice sound like it was coming from the complete opposite direction.

Ben counted to ten. Mila darted to one side of the pool making herself small whereas Rey tried to swim as silent as possible to a place where she hoped her voice would make her sound far away. Ben could do it so she was going to give it a shot.

"Marco," Ben's voice rumbled. Rey felt it like an electric shock right between her thighs.

"Polo.” Came out on a strained, breathy sound that made Ben go rigid. He played it off coolly maneuvering his way towards Mila even though he no doubt heard Rey close by.

Mila found a way to escape every single time until finally, Ben turned towards Rey's voice. Rey's heart was pounding as she said Polo, Ben drawing ever closer. She was paddling back trying to escape him until her back drew up against the wall of the pool. There was nowhere to escape to so she waited with bated breath as he said Marco and she was forced to say Polo.

He moved forward, standing to his full height in the shallow end. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as he reached out, grasping onto her bicep. His eyes opened. She swallowed at the carnal need swimming in his ebony orbs. She may not completely understand many things along the lines of intimacy. However, something told her that he wanted her in a way that made her head swim. She wondered if he even realized what he was doing.

"You caught her daddy!" Mila shouted with a clap of her hands breaking the moment between Rey and Ben.

His features morphed into one of pure confusion, brows tugging together. His eyes wandered almost frantically over her face down to her chest that rose and fell a little faster until he let go of her swimming back to Mila. He said something to her and then started getting out of the pool much to Mila's dismay.

Rey sunk under the water.

This was _not_ going to end well.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo
> 
> Check out my Spotify playlist dedicated to Reylo <3
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7L4zaaPN9C3p1HX0FHv59j?si=F96XY8q6TTm0RMG3bVyFkA)


	7. Heart of the Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are amazing <3

_**Here we are in the heart of the darkness** _

  
_**Here we are in the heart of the darkness** _

  
_**You feel your body shake** _

  
_**Fear like a phantom waits** _

Ben sat at his desk, a Friday afternoon that was dedicated to payroll versus being out on the construction site with his men. His glasses sat perched on the tip of his nose on the verge of slipping off. He pushed them back up, noting that he needed to get new ones that fit him. He had never been the type to care about what glasses he was wearing but these were too skinny for his seemingly large nose.

He was almost done with paperwork when his phone started ringing. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, seeing that it was his mom calling. Ben let out a sigh, taking off his glasses he set them down and answered the call.

“Hey, ma.”

“Benny boy, it’s so good to hear your voice,” his mom proclaimed.

It had been a while since he had gotten in touch with her. He had been so busy with work and handling life at home with a certain girl that was working her way under his skin that he hadn’t even considered calling his mom.

“Yeah, good to hear from you too.”

“How have you been? Were you able to find a babysitter?”

“I’ve been alright. Just been working. Yes, I found a babysitter, her name is Rey.”

“Rey?” He could hear the way his mom’s voice rose a little higher at the mention of a girl.

His mom had never been fond of Eliza. When she divorced him, his mom was probably the happiest one out of them all. She was persistent in trying to set him up with women but Ben had shot down all the dates his mom had tried to set him up on. He may not have gotten laid since Eliza but he wasn’t desperate.

“Yes, Rey. She’s eighteen, ma, so don’t get any ideas,” he grumbled, twirling a pen between his fingers.

“Your father is twelve years older than me, Ben. I don’t think age is a factor in love.”

“I’m not my father. I don’t find little girls appealing.”

He knew it was a blatant lie. He was more like his father than he cared to admit. His father had always jumped headfirst into things without a second thought, Ben tended to do the same. They were both stubborn as all hell and headstrong to the point they had clashed with one another one too many times. They both had a love for adventure or Ben used to before his priorities shifted to taking care of Mila. Plus, Rey was not a little girl, she was becoming a woman. A woman that would get Ben into much more trouble than he wanted.

“Eighteen is not a little girl. She is a woman now.”

“Whatever, ma. I’m not going to date, my damn babysitter. I hired her to take care of Mila, not me.”

“Alright, whatever you say, honey. How is my darling granddaughter?”

Ben was relieved his mom moved on from the topic of Rey. The thought of her already tortured him enough as it was. He felt something for her he had never felt for anyone before. Sometimes she made him want to rip his hair out, scream at the top of lungs, and then other times he wanted to hold her in his arms, tell her just how beautiful she was on the inside and out. He could never have her though, no matter how much he may want her to be his. She deserved some young guy that would give her everything she deserved. Ben could never be the guy for her.

“She’s adorable as always. She misses you.”

“Well, I’m going to be in town next week. I’ll come to see you both.”

“That would be nice. She’ll be excited to see you.”

“You need to talk to your dad, sweetheart.” Ben hated how quickly his mom could change the subject. The last person in this world he wanted to speak to was his dad. His dad had fucked up and if things were to be repaired, then he would have to fix it, not Ben.

“He hasn’t even apologized, ma. I’m not going to talk to him until he does.”

“It’s been three years. You need to move on. Mila deserves to have her grandpa in her life.”

Ben was close to snapping. He loved his mom but sometimes he couldn’t stand her. “If he wants to get to know his granddaughter, he knows what he has to do. Anyways, I got to go. I’ll see you next week.”

He could feel his mom’s frustration through the phone. She only mumbled something under her breath before saying she loved him. He said it back and hung up the phone.

As much as he missed his mom, he didn’t want her to keep nagging him about his father. Han Solo had royally messed up. Ben was tired of being the one to always return to his father out of loyalty and love. Now, he was old enough to understand it was up to his dad to fix himself.

Ben returned to his work. Blocking out the memories of his father.

~♥~

Rey was watching a movie with Mila when Ben returned. He returned home later than usual, the time already eight pm. He was normally home by five these days.

She immediately knew something was off with him. He was more brooding than usual, going straight to the fridge versus seeing Mila first. When he walked into the living room he was holding a beer, bringing it to his enticing lips. He took a long drink, her eyes were drawn to the way his throat moved with the movement.

“Mila, time to get ready for bed.”

Mila scowled at him. “It’s early, daddy.”

Rey was surprised to see the anger that appeared on his face. “I said get ready for bed. Don’t make me ask you twice,” he growled, his tone demanding obedience.

Mila’s face became crestfallen as she slowly peeled herself off the couch. She hurried past her dad, not sparing him a second glance.

Rey glared at him, his gaze finally finding hers. His eyes narrowed at her, giving her a look that made her blood run cold.

“What the hell is that look for?” He snarled. His eyes were dark, the green in them completely gone with the contempt he seemed to be feeling towards her.

Rey was trying to stay calm and collected. She didn’t want him to see how much he got to her with that simple question. She could feel her adrenaline coursing through her, the urge to slap him across the face grew stronger.

“I don’t know what crawled up your ass and died but you did not have to talk to her like that. It is early. You could have at least let us finish the movie we were watching before you showed up and rained on our parade.” Rey was surprised that her voice remained steady. Usually, when her emotions were running this high, her voice would tremble, giving away the fact she was affected.

If a look could kill, she would no doubt be dead. Ben’s frown deepened, his jaw clenched as he stared her down. His knuckles had bled into white due to how tight he grasped his beer bottle. She was sure it was going to break if he didn’t stop increasing the pressure around it.

“Mila is my daughter and when I tell her to get ready for bed, then that’s what she is supposed to do. I don’t need a child telling me what’s best for my daughter.”

Her heart was thundering inside her chest. Even though she was pissed off at him, she couldn’t stop looking at his plush lips, his heavy brows drawn down in a deep V. The furious expression he wore made her want to run. She wasn’t a child but sometimes he made her feel that small.

“Yes, she is your daughter but that doesn’t give you the right to take your bad mood out on her. Whatever is bothering you, should not influence the way you treat others, especially Mila.”

His mouth twitched, a small tic starting under his left eye. His nostrils flared, the vein on the side of his neck throbbing. She hated that her eyes stayed fixed on that minuscule detail, wanting to skim her tongue along it just to see how she could make it throb even more.

“Don’t act like you fucking know me so well. I’m not in a bad mood. I just wanted my daughter to get ready for fucking bed so I can relax without a couple of little girls bothering me. Is it so bad I just want a little peace and quiet every once in a while?” His tone was venomous, it made Rey flinch and it was that simple move that made his lip curl into a cold sneer as if he was glad he made her façade crumble.

Rey’s heart was hammering inside her chest, her hands balled into fists, clenched so hard she felt her nails digging into her palm. She was sure she was drawing blood. Her skin felt too hot all over, the need to slam her fists on his chest rising to the surface. She felt like a kettle on the verge of boiling over.

“You came home and went straight to the fridge to grab a beer. I could smell the whiskey pouring off of you, so you went to a bar before heading home. You ignored your daughter and instead of saying hello, you sent her to bed without any affection in your voice. So, tell me, Mr. Solo, how can you possibly look me in the eye and tell me you’re not in a bad mood, that something isn’t bothering you? You want Mila and me to leave you alone, fine, just don’t act like you aren’t taking your anger out on us.”

Rey licked her dry lips, glad that she found the strength to tell him how it was even though she felt like she was on the verge of passing out.

Ben stalked over to her, forcing her to take a step away from him. Every step he took towards her caused her to keep walking backward until she felt the wall behind her, leaving no room to escape.

He finished off his beer in one fell swoop. Her eyes widened at the action, he let it fall to the ground without a second thought. Thankfully, it fell on the carpet, a cushion preventing it from breaking as he stalked over, standing right in front of her now.

His stance was wide, showcasing just how easily he could overpower her. She pressed back against the wall, her neck aching as she stared up at him. He leaned toward her, putting his hand on the wall, above her head. She could smell the honey whiskey that seeped from his every pore and the beer that intertwined with it. Even though he reeked of booze, she could still smell his earthy scent. It made her want to inhale deeply, force the scent to linger forever.

His eyes swept over her face, lingering on her lips for a little too long. She swallowed, pressing her palms into the wall, trying to ignore the feelings swirling within her.

“You know how much I hate being called Mr. Solo, yet, you fucking do it just to irritate me. You fucking teasing me, little girl?” His voice was harsh, sharp enough to cut her deep.

“I’m not a little girl,” she hissed.

Ben scoffed, breathing out angrily. “Yes, you fucking are. Get that through your fucking thick skull.”

Rey didn’t know who he was trying to convince anymore-her or himself. His expression was fierce, untamed as his chest started to rise and fall faster. His hand slid down to where it was right beside her face, the other mirroring it. He caged her in with his body, the veins that raced through his biceps becoming taut. This close she could see every beauty mark, every freckle, and the flush that tinted his normally pale cheeks.

“When are you going to stop treating me like a child? You and I both know that I’m a woman.”

His eyes scanned over her almost frantically, causing even more confusion to build inside her. His gaze hardened as he met her eyes again. His face drew closer to her, his breath fanning over her lips, a full-body shudder raced through her. Her chest starting to match his as it rose and fell harder.

“I don’t see a woman. I see a little girl that doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut and mind her own business.”

“And I see a grown man that behaves like a little boy.”

His pupils were swallowed whole by the black in his eyes, all traces of amber disappeared. “You are a thorn in my fucking side.”

“And you are a fucking asshole.”

“You think you have any right to tell me how to raise my daughter? I don’t need your fucking advice.”

“Maybe you should direct your anger towards the person you’re mad at but that would be too much to ask for, right _Mr. Solo_?” She said with a sarcastic smile appearing on her face.

His nostrils flared and before she could produce another thought, his fingers buried in the mass of her chestnut hair, tightening to the point it was almost painful. The smile she wore immediately wiped away at his rapid action.

“Damn it, god fucking damn it,” he whispered, desperation coating his voice that hit her straight in the gut. Straight to her core. His breathy tone had her cunt clenching hard at the sound. It felt like he had sent an electric current through her at his touch, at his wild words. She had never felt so needy before in her life. Her entire body became flushed, a blazing inferno starting at the tips of her toes until it reached every part of her being.

His fingers tightened in her locks. He leaned in pressing his forehead to hers. He was panting into the limited space between them. All rational thought was slipping from her grasp. She felt like she was going to melt if he didn’t sate the feeling blazing inside of her. She swore she could feel wetness slipping from her core. She feared her arousal would darken her white shorts and he would know just what he was doing to her.

“B-Ben,” she whimpered, the sound drawing his head back slightly. His darkened gaze met her own. His eyes flicked down to her lips and she swore he was going to kiss her until his features morphed into a mask of confusion as if he didn’t understand what he was doing.

Suddenly, he pulled away as if she burned him. His entire body trembled as he looked at his hands and then back at her. He shook his head, all the vulnerability displayed on his face made her want to pull him back to her. Before she could do such a thing he was storming out of the room.

Rey slid down the wall, the cold tile pressed against her thighs. She covered her face with her hands feeling her heated skin. She felt like she was on fire, the ache that he had caused in her pulsating to the point she wanted to scream. She wanted relief and he had denied her that.

Whatever was happening between them was terrifying. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know if she could stay with Ben anymore and not want more. She forced herself off the ground, finding her phone she stared at Finn’s number.

She knew what she had to do. She just wasn’t sure she had the strength to do it.

Finally, she pressed the dial button and waited to see if he would answer.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo


	8. Right Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, all of your comments are so kind <3 
> 
> Seriously, the haze I have been in is slowly going away because of all of you. Thank you so much <3
> 
> This ends on a cliffhanger and for that, I apologize! 
> 
> Love you all <3

_**I will show you the way back home** _  
_**Never leave you all alone** _

  
_**I will stay until the morning comes** _  
_**I'll show you how to live again** _

_**And heal the brokenness within** _  
_**Let me love you when you come undone** _

Ben knew he had fucked up.

He had let the memory of his father get to him. No matter how hard he tried to shove the thoughts of him away, he couldn’t. Tortured by the past, he couldn’t seem to let it go, to let it die.

He had taken his anger out on his daughter and Rey because that’s what he did when he was pushed into a corner. He lashed out at the people who least deserved his vexation.

The sadness that had washed over Mila’s face was enough to break his heart. Mila hardly got into trouble and when she did he was always calm with her, never raising his voice at her. She would get a time-out and would learn from her mistakes. He credited it to the way he raised her and disciplined her. When he yelled at her it felt like knives pushing out of his throat.

Ben stood outside of Mila’s door unable to shake the utter confusion in Rey’s hazel eyes. He swore she was going to reach out to him, pull him back to her. His hands flexed still feeling her hair twined around his fists. She was so soft, from her hair to her skin. The sweaty slide of his forehead against hers made him want to take her right there against the wall. He wanted every part of her. He wanted to claim her, make her understand what happened when you mess with a man on the verge of breaking.

Ben had to push thoughts of her away. He needed to focus on talking to his daughter. Taking a deep breath, Ben opened Mila’s door to see her curled up in her blankets. He could hear her soft sniveling.

He gently clicked the door shut behind him, moving to kneel down beside her bed. She was faced away from him. He ran his hand down her arm feeling how she shook from her sobs.

“Baby,” he murmured.

“Go away,” she whispered, sounding so sad he wanted to go back in time and never treat her like he did.

“I’m so sorry, Mila.”

“You were mean, daddy,” she sniffed.

He groaned, pressing his forehead between her shoulders. “I know. I had a bad day and said something I didn’t mean. I never wanted to hurt you. Please, forgive me, sweetheart.”

He felt her shift until she faced him, her arms wrapped around his neck. He pulled her into his arms, holding her so tight he felt like he was going to break her. He couldn’t let her go, needing this closeness, this comfort. Ben couldn’t live with his daughter hating him. He would be nothing without her in his life. She was his everything. He would do anything to make her happy.

“Please, don’t be mean, daddy.”

“I won’t. I won’t be like that again. I promise.” She nuzzled closer to him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Mila. I love you so much.”

~♥~

Ben read Mila a story until she fell asleep. He tucked her into her blankets before leaving, shutting the door quietly behind him.

He made his way into the kitchen to find Rey sitting at the dining table, her bags packed beside the chair. Ben felt his heart clench hard inside his chest at the sight. She raised her gaze to his, nibbling at her lip in a way that had him stepping closer to her.

She stood abruptly, shaking her head. “Stop,” she said, causing him to halt his progression forward.

“Rey, what’s going on?” He hated the way his voice sounded strained. He didn’t want to believe what this could possibly mean. His hands clenched into fists, short breaths escaped past his lips as he tried to calm down.

“I have to go. I can’t be here anymore.” She fiddled with the ends of her shirt, making minimum to no eye contact with him.

“I know I fucked up but Mila needs you. I-I can’t do this without you.” He had actually stuttered, something he had never done in his entire life. _What was this girl doing to him?_

“She’ll be fine without me.”

Ben surged forward. He wanted to touch her but stopped himself. “I’m sorry. Please, I know I said those things but they weren’t true. I do need help with Mila. Sometimes I can’t answer her questions because I don’t know what to say. She needs a woman like you in her life. I can’t give her everything she needs, no matter how badly I want to.”

He watched as her bottom lip trembled, tears brimmed at the corner of her eyes. He didn’t want her to cry, he just wanted to make things right. To help her understand he was beginning to drown in what he was feeling towards her. That he couldn’t stand to see her leave. Not now. Not like this.

“I can’t stay. I can’t do this.”

“If you can’t stay, I understand, just don’t give up on Mila. Please, just keep babysitting her.” The words hurt him more than he liked to admit. He had to say them though. If she couldn’t give him one thing then he would beg for another.

“I wouldn’t have anywhere to stay. I’m going to go to a hotel for the time being and look into living on campus.”

“Rey, the guest house is yours. I’ll text you every fucking day before I get home just to warn you of my arrival and when I get home I’ll avoid you. I’ll leave you be. Just please, stay, not for me but for Mila.”

His body was visibly trembling, his heart raced like a hundred wild horses. Ben didn’t want her to go. He would give up talking to her just for her to stay. Mila would be heartbroken if she left. He couldn’t take that.

“It’s not that easy.”

“It can be.”

Her eyes met his. The conflict that swarmed in them made him want to soothe all her doubts, whisper sweet nothings into her ear until he felt her resolve start to crumble. Instead, he remained stock-still, hoping she would take him up on his offer.

“I can’t keep fighting with you. I’ll stay for her but I can’t do this with you anymore.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?” She questioned, searching his eyes.

“I do,” he said more assured.

“I’m only staying for her, not you,” she said with a sense of finality. Without another word, she grabbed her bags and strolled out into the backyard, back to her home.

Ben was relieved.

Still, he felt loneliness set into every part of his being.

It was strong enough to make him want to cry.

He found himself back in his room and for the first time in a long time he allowed his emotions to take over, the tears falling freely.

~♥~

Rey had felt like she was walking on eggshells the past week with Ben. He had only talked to her to let her know his mom would be coming over in a few days. Other than that, they didn’t speak. He would come home, clean and smelling like soap, relieving her of her babysitting duties. She would head to the guest house and focus on her studies, doing everything in her power to not think about him.

It proved to be futile. She wanted to know what was going on inside his head. 

Tonight, his mom would come over for dinner. Rey had been invited. She would be rude to not show her face. So, she had agreed, pushing aside her own feelings.

Rey stared at herself in the full-length mirror. Her dress was white with lace at the edges. The sleeves were sheer and cut off at mid-bicep. It flowed to right above her knees, showing off all her tan skin to anyone who cared to look. She paired the dress up with silver slip-on shoes, deciding to leave her hair down. She only put a smidge of mascara on and a touch of red lipstick to complete the ensemble.

It was six-o-clock when she headed inside, the kitchen smelled like everything heavenly. Ben was setting up the table while Mila danced excitedly to the music playing from the kitchen stereo. Mila was dressed adorably in a pink tutu dress, ballet shoes adorning her feet. Her blonde hair was in two pigtails with mismatch hair ties. Rey loved that Ben was the one who had allowed her to wear what she wanted. She had always liked that aspect of him when it came to his daughter.

Now, that she tore her eyes away from Mila she took in all of Ben’s magnificence. He had settled on a black button-up, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows revealing the pale of his muscled forearms. His shirt was tucked into black slacks, so unlike his usual persona of a white t-shirt and denim jeans. Even tonight he had foregone his combat boots for dress shoes. He looked so unlike the Ben she had come to know. She lifted her attention to his hair. It fell in soft waves around his face. She could tell he had put gel in it to make it tamer than it usually appeared. She liked this version of him but still preferred his normally wild look.

Ben finally finished setting the table and looked up. His eyes widened when he took her in until he caught himself and straightened, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“You look nice,” he said simply, his voice even and unaffected.

She shyly pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks, so do you.”

He just nodded, moving towards the food that sat on the island, letting it distract him. Mila squealed when she caught sight of Rey, jumping up and down as she grasped onto Rey’s hands.

“Dance with me, Rey!”

Rey laughed, allowing Mila to swing their arms back and forth. Twirling her around to the point she worried she would get dizzy. Rey noticed Ben staring intently at her. She suppressed the shiver that threatened to take over her body. She met his eyes, not completely understanding the look he gave her. He seemed entranced by her. The spell he seemed to be under was only broken by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

He cleared his throat and strode out of the room to answer the door.

Rey could hear the happy chatter of his mom. The rumbling answer of his voice caused her to grow hot at the enticing sound of it. She swallowed, trying to assuage the dryness that had settled there.

Ben entered, a woman of small stature at his side. She was dressed humbly in a navy blue blouse and dress pants. Her gray hair was set in a loose bun, several strands falling softly around her beautiful face. Immediately Rey knew where Ben got such luscious hair from. She figured he must have gotten most of his looks from his father but his eyes matched his moms as well. The woman brightened as she took in Rey.

“My god aren’t you just the most gorgeous woman ever.” Rey flushed from head to toe at the blunt compliment.

“Thank you. I’m R-Rey,” she stuttered, wanting to slap herself for that slight display of nervousness.

Leia took Rey’s hands in her own, they were soft and warm. “It is so nice to meet you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Rey smiled down at the kind woman, wondering how someone so full of spice was born from somebody so sweet.

Leia gently patted the back of Rey’s hand, letting go to drag Mila into a warm hug. “My darling grandbaby, you’ve gotten so big!”

“Mimi! I missed you!” Mila held tight to Leia. The sight warmed her heart and she couldn’t stop the happy sigh that escaped her.

“Have you been being good for your dad and Rey?”

“Yes!”

“Then I have a very special gift for you after dinner,” Leia said with a wink.

Mila jumped up and down happily. “Thank you, Mimi!”

Leia tugged lightly at Mila’s pigtail before standing to her feet. She lifted her hand, caressing Ben’s unscarred cheek as if knowing something Rey didn’t know by not touching the scarred one. “Let’s eat. I’m starved.”

Dinner went by swiftly, mostly Leia chattered about all the expeditions she had been on lately. Rey learned that Leia loved traveling and helped donate to different charities all around the world. Rey laughed at Leia’s story of the time she was hit on by a man half her age in Scotland and smiled ear to ear hearing about all the children that now had better school supplies thanks to her endeavors.

Leia was a passionate woman that Rey inspired to be like.

Ben was mostly quiet, choosing to listen instead of putting his two cents into the conversation at hand. Rey took subtle glances at him over the course of the meal, not missing Leia catching her a couple of times. Leia raised her brow at Rey, a question in her eyes. Rey pretended like she didn’t see and continued to talk, knowing Leia was suspicious.

Rey didn’t want to admit that the past week had been terrible not talking to Ben. Even though they hardly seemed to get along, the tender moments they had shared made up for a lot of the bad. She yearned to know everything about Ben. She wanted to delve under that tough exterior and open up all the things unknown to her. She knew there was more to Ben underneath his cold persona. She knew the warmth that lay behind those eyes, how soft his face could be when he looked upon his daughter and even her sometimes.

Ben was somebody worth getting to know. She knew there was an extreme pain that he tried to desperately hide. He was scared and so was she.

They finished dinner, Rey moving to rid the table of dishes. Leia tried to help but Rey shooed her away, telling the three of them to go spend some time together in the living room. Ben shot her a grateful look, escorting his mom and Mila out of the room.

Rey exhaled on a shaky breath, rinsing the dishes, and placing them in the dishwasher. Rey thought avoiding Ben would help stop the rising tide of feelings inside her, yet, it only seemed like the distance had made everything worse. There was a different kind of tension between them growing stronger with every passing day. Rey placed a hand upon her thundering heart, willing it to settle. She had to stay strong. She couldn’t give in to whatever she may be feeling.

Rey gathered her thoughts and made her way into the living room. Mila cradled a new stuffed animal, smiling wide at Leia. Mila saw Rey and scampered over to her, raising the adorable monkey to her.

“Look at what my Mimi got me!”

“It’s so cute,” Rey exclaimed, pinching the monkey’s cheek.

Mila’s smile grew broader. “I’m going to name her Allie!”

“That’s a perfect name.”

Mila blushed. “Thank you.”

“Well, I have to head out. I’m too old to be staying up past eight these days. It was so nice meeting you, Rey.” Leia grabbed her purse, moseying over to Rey.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Leia.” Rey smiled warmly down at her, a little caught off guard when Leia dragged her into a hug and whispered to her to take care of her son.

Rey felt her skin grow hot at the comment, only capable of nodding. Ben helped his mom into her coat and walked her out. Rey decided to get Mila ready for bed. Mila took her hand and they went to her room, Rey starting a bath for her. After the bath, Mila slipped into bed knocking out like a light, holding her new monkey close to her.

Rey smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead and stepped out shutting the door behind her.

She walked downstairs to find Ben in the kitchen, beer in hand as he stared off into space. She should leave, ignore him. Her feet thought otherwise, drawing her closer to him. His attention snapped to her, dark eyes roving over her face.

“Your mom is nice,” she remarked, her knees felt wobbly as she leaned against the island, gripping it.

Ben took a hearty gulp of his beer, nodding as he set it down to fold his arms over his burly chest.

“Yes, she’s pretty amazing. She’s always been there for me.”

“I’m glad I got to meet her. I always wanted a mom like her to talk to.” Rey didn’t know why she was opening up to him about such a touchy subject. Something in her told her it would be okay to tell him all her deep, dark secrets.

“Did you know your mom at all?”

“Yes, she died when I was thirteen. She struggled to care for me but she loved me. She loved to sing to me when she brushed my hair and we used to make cookies from scratch. She always let me throw the flour around, never caring if things got dirty. She loved to read. She was the best at creating stories from just a single word. She did everything to ensure life was easy for me while she worked herself to exhaustion. When she was diagnosed with cancer I was the one who took care of her. Her work paid all her medical bills but there was no one there to be her caretaker. I miss her every day but I’m just glad she is no longer suffering.”

“She sounded extraordinary.”

Rey’s mouth tilted up. “Yes, she was.”

“Did you know your dad?”

“No, he died before I was born. My mom didn’t like to talk about him much.”

Ben grabbed his beer, finishing it off. He threw it away giving her the opportunity to take in the scar that marred his skin.

She moved into his space, startling him. He drew back, taking in a sharp breath as he did.

“Rey?” He questioned, searching her face frantically.

Rey reached up, her fingers shook as they touched the scar upon his face. His entire body went rigid under that single touch. The wild look she was so used to did not appear on his face, this one was almost fearful. As if he didn’t understand what the hell she was doing touching him in such a way.

The scar was raised and jagged, the tips of her fingers skimmed down the length of it feeling every bump, every beautiful imperfection of it. Her gaze drifted to his lips, they were set in a straight line. The line of his jaw taut, no doubt clenching his teeth like he always seemed to do. Her eyes drifted down to his throbbing pulse. Before she could stop herself her other hand found the vein along his neck finally feeling just how hard it pounded.

Rey wanted to know how he received the scar but words seemed to fail her at this point. Instead, she pushed up on her tiptoes, the hand on his neck shifting to his shoulder feeling the sturdy muscle beneath it. A harsh breath of air escaped him when she ghosted her lips over his scar. He still made no moves to touch her, his hands balled up at his sides.

Rey knew she shouldn’t be doing this. Touching him in such a way was dangerous. She couldn’t seem to tear herself away though. She was desperate to make this man feel something besides disdain towards her.

She grew bold, trailing her lips to the corner of his own pressing a feather-light kiss to the spot. His chest had begun to rise and fall faster causing the hand on his shoulder to follow the movements. She clutched tighter to him, giving in to a firm kiss upon his lips. She whimpered at how soft his lips were against her own. He may have not kissed her back, it didn’t matter. She would take anything he would give her at this point. If that meant allowing her to steal these few intimate moments without anything in return, so be it.

Rey pulled away, falling back on her heels. The expression he wore was enough to steal all her breath away. It was one of complete yearning, eyes searching hers for an answer to everything swirling around in his mind. He looked lost.

Rey was about to say something until his expression suddenly flared into something completely different. It forced her to let go of him, taking a step away from him. The way he looked at her made her feel like a fly caught in a spider’s web. It was a predatory look that promised something dark and frightening. He stepped forward so fast she was unable to get away from him. His hand clamped on the underside of her jaw, thumb digging into her cheek while his long fingers cradled the other side. He pulled her close, craning her neck to look up at him.

He glowered down at her, a notable tension in his brows. She shivered as he tightened his grasp. He turned her around, her hand reached up grasping onto his wrist as he walked her backward until she was shoved up against the wall. His free hand slammed down on the wall beside her head, bracing himself as he bent at the waist. He loomed over her, lowering his face closer to hers. Her lips parted, unable to form words. His eyes instantly homed in on them, her heart thudding hard and fast. He looked two seconds away from devouring her and she wasn’t so sure she would say no to such a thing.

“What the hell are you doing, Rey?” He growled.

“I don’t know,” she stammered, feeling much too small under his ardent gaze. She didn’t mean to kiss him, she wanted to apologize, take it back. It was too late. She had given in to her baser instincts and there was no going back, no more denying how badly she wanted Ben to ruin her.

“Don’t fuck with me,” he snarled, his chest heaved up and down.

She felt like a live wire, all lust and need and everything bad.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Solo. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

He laughed bitterly. “You just love to call me that don’t you?”

She realized what she had said, tensing under his unforgiving grasp. “I-I, please, just forget this happened.”

“You want me to forget that you came to me and finally talked to me after a week? You want me to forget your pretty doe eyes looking so confused and exhausted looking at me? You want me to forget your lips on my scar? Your lips on mine? Is that what you want, Rey, you want me to just fucking forget how crazy you make me feel?” His voice had risen in his anger. He looked close to throttling her.

Rey whimpered trying to pull away but had nowhere to go. “Please, Ben, I’m sorry.”

At the mention of his name, he started to breathe raggedly. Abruptly, he fisted her curls, inching his face closer to her to the point she could feel his warm breath upon her lips.

“Fuck, my name sounds so pretty leaving your lips,” he whispered, before growling, baring his teeth at her like a wild animal. “Damn it, Rey. I’m trying to be the good guy, to do what’s right, and you’re making it so fucking difficult. What do you _want_ from me?”

Rey didn’t know how to answer him because she didn’t know what she wanted. If she gave herself to him, he would consume her without hesitation. She could see the way he craved her. Needed her. It was overwhelming.

“I just want you to like me,” she breathed out. It was the truth at least.

His brows drew in tight and before she could process the tormented look that took over his features. His lips slammed upon hers, stealing her breath.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	9. Hate Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all being so patient!! This chapter is short but I hope you all enjoy it anyways <3
> 
> All of your comments are so appreciated. I savor each and every one of them <3

_**She starts to turn away when he says** _   
_**Hate me, break me** _   
_**Let me feel as hurt as you** _   
_**Push me, crush me** _   
_**But promise me you'll never let us go** _   
_**Hate me, break me** _   
_**Then save me, save me** _   
_**Push me, crush me** _   
_**Then save me, save me** _

It was wrong.

Ben should stop. His fingers tightened in her hair at the thought of ever letting go of Rey. He didn’t want to imagine a life where she wasn’t a constant part of it. Ben wanted to see her smile that always hit him like a punch to the gut with its radiance. She made him feel alive. Whether it was putting him in his place with that fiery spirit of hers or rewarding him with her almost obnoxious laughter. Just the thought of not having her by his side made him sick to his stomach.

Ben forced the thought of her leaving aside and deepened the kiss with a stroke of his tongue across the seam of her lips. She parted her lips on a soft gasp, it sounded so sweet to his ears. His hand found the wisps of hair at the nape of her neck as he clutched it, forcing her onto the tips of her toes. He rolled his tongue slowly against hers. A low groan escaped his chest at the sensation that ignited throughout his body. He could feel how much she quivered as the hesitant touch of her tongue slipped against his own sending a spark up his spine.

Her innocence was enough to drive him to madness. It should be enough to stop him, the knowledge of how pure a girl like Rey was. Instead, he pushed her harder up against the wall, ensuring that she felt just what she did to him. His cock pushed against her stomach giving a jerk at the pressure. He closed his eyes so tight, brows furrowed as he devoured her mouth like a man possessed-eagerly, ravenously. She responded in kind, lips moving against his frantically, trying to keep up with the passion he exuded.

Ben couldn’t stop himself from dragging his cock roughly against her stomach. Their mouths parted, hovering over one another. They both breathed raggedly into the small space between them.

“Ben,” she mouthed, hardly any sound coming out as his hands fell on either side of her face. He pressed his forehead to hers, drawing in shuddering breaths.

“Rey, I have to stop.”

“Yes, you should.”

Rey’s warm fingertips slipped under his shirt and pressed against his stomach, the touch startled him. The muscles there clenched hard. A strangled sound was yanked out of him as she dragged her fingers lower trailing down the strip of hair that led to a part of him that was growing more rigid by the second.

“You’re young.”

“I am,” she countered, unfazed, still drawing circles along the deep v lines that were leading her closer and closer to where he wanted her touch most. His cock twitched at the thought of being touched by a silky, warm hand versus his calloused one.

“You don’t want this.” He shook his head. These excuses would wear thin. Ben had to make them though. He had to fight the feelings spiraling uncontrollably for her.

“What do I not want?” The question caught him off guard. The breathy way she had said it made him finally pull back to look her in the eyes. They were glazed over, pupils dilated. The tell-tale sign that she craved him as much as he craved her.

Ben smoothed a hand to the side of her neck, the other dropped to her waist feeling the soft cotton against his fingertips. He took a handful of it and tugged it up slowly revealing tan, freckled skin to his hungry gaze.

“Fucking hell,” he said between gritted teeth.

Ben forced her legs apart, his thigh slipping between her thighs. The movement hiked her dress up further to the point he could see what she was wearing underneath. His gaze was fixed to the scrap of white material darkened by her arousal. Her thighs trembled where they cradled his. He noticed she was still standing on tiptoe to accommodate his height.

Ben didn’t want her to struggle needlessly. He skimmed both hands down her arms igniting goosebumps along her skin. He took both her wrists and bent at the waist helping her to wrap her arms around his neck. The way she held him like he mattered had him releasing a groan. He wasted no time in reaching down to palm her ass in his large hands. She squeaked as he squeezed hard and pressed his thigh right against her cunt reveling in the warmth that radiated there. He panted into her neck, remembering the question she had asked him.

“You don’t want to mess with me, little girl,” he growled, nipping at her pulse point. He felt her hands tangle in his hair pulling ever-so-gently at the strands. He wanted to laugh at how responsive she was. Instead, it only made him headier.

“I don’t?”

“No, I’ll eat you alive.” The warning behind his tone didn’t seem to frighten her one bit. She had the audacity to moan at what he had just said. “Is that what you fucking want? Want me to fucking ruin you?” He had the desire to shake her and make her understand she was playing with fire. He just didn’t know who would get burned in the end.

“Yes, yes, yes, need you to ruin me,” she babbled.

He gripped her ass grinding his muscular thigh harder into her. “That’s what you think, Rey. You think you want me to split open that pretty cunt with my cock,” he moved his mouth beside her ear, “But I know the truth. I know you would cry and beg me to stop.”

Rey had begun to slide up and down his leg, no doubt chasing the friction she needed to come.

“I wouldn’t beg you to stop. I’d beg you for more,” she gasped, her nails digging into his scalp causing a strange mix of pain and pleasure.

He let out a humorless laugh. “You wouldn’t be able to handle me fucking you, Rey.”

She started to circle her hips, trying to find the perfect angle to fall apart on his thigh. He watched as frustration arose on her face. She released a small whine when she was unable to get what she was searching for.

“I’ll never know what I can handle until you show me,” she sneered, hazel orbs blazing with heat and annoyance.

“You seem irritated. Need something?” He taunted grasping her waist halting her eager movements. She groaned in exasperation, her fingers yanking hard on his hair. He snarled against her lips, gripping her waist in a vice hold hoisting her up against his body. She moaned in response and wrapped her legs around him. His cock was now pressed snugly against her warmth.

His nails dug into her waist as he started to roll his hips into her enjoying the soft whimpers that pushed past her lips against his own.

Ben couldn’t believe he was actually dry humping her as a teenaged boy would. He had done that kind of shit when he didn’t know any better or because a girl didn’t want him inside her but still wanted his cock to be the thing that got her off.

He should shove his pants down, push the wet material of her panties to the side, and thrust home.

He should but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

Nevertheless, he still wanted to sate his curiosity about whether she had been fucked or not.

Ben held Rey to him with one arm still wrapped firmly around her waist. His other hand slid to her throat the skin there hot against his palm. His fingers bracketed her jaw forcing her head back so he could look her in the eyes. Her breath skipped, eyes moving back and forth between his. He tightened his hold on her jaw, leaning in so their lips were almost touching. He loomed over her and it made his skin throb, pulsating with too much adrenaline.

“Tell me, little girl, have you ever had a cock inside you?”

She tensed up in his arms, her breaths quickened. She said nothing so he continued. “Have you ever had a man lick you down there till you were begging for him to just take you? Have you ever had a man thrust into your tight cunt over and over again until you shattered around his cock?” He accentuated what he said by thrusting roughly against her. She slammed her head back against the wall, her mouth falling open as she desperately dragged in shaky breath after shaky breath.

When she still didn’t answer, his control snapped. He dug his fingers into her cheeks, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and sucked hard enough to bruise. Her eyes widened, her brows pulled together as if she were in pain. Perhaps she was but Ben couldn’t find it in him to care.

“Tell me, Rey. Tell me if you’ve been fucked before,” Ben demanded, his chest rising and falling wildly.

“No! I’ve never been fucked!” She declared, sounding like she was close to tears.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “Want me to fuck you, Rey? Want me to stuff you full of my cock?” His voice trembled. Their pelvises were both rolling against one another frantically by this point. He could tell she was close to finding her release and to his dismay, he wasn’t too far behind.

“Oh god, Ben. Yes, that’s what I want! Please!”

His mouth found hers again and parted her lips roughly with his tongue. She whimpered tugging at his mass of midnight hair. The kiss was messy, a clashing of teeth, tongues, and all things unholy. He felt so much hunger for her, his tongue exploring every inch of her mouth with an eagerness that had him moaning indelicately into her mouth. Her heels dug into the small of his back assisting his feverish thrusts.

She started to tremble almost uncontrollably. Ben knew immediately what it meant. He deepened the kiss on a groan swallowing down her cry of pleasure. His hair had become dampened by sweat, a drop skimmed down the side of his face. He slowed his thrusts, hand moving to grasp the back of her neck as he rained kisses on her cheek, forehead, and jaw. He trailed the length of her throat with the tip of his nose, basking in her touch and breathing in her intoxicating scent.

Ben was still unbelievably hard but he wasn’t about to take Rey against a wall no matter how much he wanted to. He was about to say something when they both straightened at the sound of the stairs creaking. Rey untangled her legs from around him forcing him to get with the program. He helped her back on her feet, noting the slight wobble of her legs giving out slightly. He held onto her just long enough for her to get her bearings and stepped away from her.

Rey’s entire body shook as she smoothed down her dress and fussed with her hair right as Mila walked in rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Ben pushed his sweat ridden hair out of his eyes and hoped that Mila wouldn’t notice his disheveled state.

“Hey, sweetheart. Bad dream?” Ben asked moving towards her.

Mila only nodded and raised her arms up to him. He easily lifted her into his arms. She tucked her face into his neck as he held her close. “I’m going to take her upstairs,” Ben said to Rey. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, giving him a tight smile and nod of her head.

Ben walked up the stairs, finding Mila’s room in the dark. He turned the light on and helped Mila back into bed. He laid beside her, reading her favorite book to her until she settled down and fell back asleep. He set the book down, lacing his fingers behind his head. He stared at the ceiling as if it would have all the answers he needed.

Ben didn’t know if he had royally fucked everything up with Rey. All he did know was that she had burrowed her way under his skin and there was no going back now.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo


	10. Sweeter Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody sticking with me on this story <3
> 
> I'm doing a lot better and I credit a lot of it to all of you and your kind-hearted comments :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**_Water leaves you thirsty_ **  
**_Sunlight leaves you blind_ **  
**_Until I am yours and you are mine_ **

  
**_Money can't buy heaven_ **  
**_Diamonds won't hold smiles_ **  
**_Happiness is more than you can buy_ **  
**_So I will be yours if you be mine_ **

It had been over a week since Rey had been kissed mercilessly by Ben, her boss and the man she was beginning to fall in love with. The feelings that were bubbling up inside her were new, exciting, and most of all terrifying.

They had yet to discuss what happened between them. Work had picked up for Ben, his entire focus had become dedicated to his projects, and when he returned home he would spend his remaining hours with Mila before heading to bed. The most they had said to each other was hi and bye or how are you but other than that it had been radio silence about their kiss.

This morning was different than most due to Mila not being around. Leia had called saying she would love to spend more time with Mila. Ben agreed to the visit and last night Mila went to spend the week with her Grandma.

Ben was already gone to work when Rey woke up. She made a cup of coffee for herself, finishing off some of her online homework before showering and getting ready for the day.

Rey was spending some time by the pool basking in the afternoon rays when her phone started ringing. She pulled her phone out of her pocket noting the caller id said, Hux. With a smile, she answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rey! What are you up to today?”

Rey had met Hux through University. They were both majoring in Engineering and had wound up in the same group when Rey was still taking classes at the University instead of strictly online. They had become fast friends but had hardly been able to hang out due to everything she had been going through lately. Hux had grown up in a foster home being adopted by caring parents. Still, he knew the struggle of being treated like crap from people he hardly knew. Rey and Hux had bonded over their past and their shared interests. She considered him one of her best friends right along with Finn.

“Nothing. I have the house to myself for the rest of the day. Mila went to visit her grandma.”

“What about your scary employer?”

Rey had been texting Hux about Ben Solo since she first met him keeping minor details to herself. She wanted to tell Hux how she had started to develop strong feelings for Ben but she was scared to admit them out loud.

“He won’t be home till like five.”

“Do you think I can go over? I’m bored out of my mind and I already finished all my homework.”

Rey knew she should probably ask Ben if she could invite Hux over. Still, he had told her to make herself at home and inviting one friend over shouldn’t piss him off too much.

“Yeah, come over. I’ll shoot you the address.”

“Hell yeah! I’ll see you soon!” Hux declared.

“See you soon,” Rey laughed hanging up the phone. She sent off a quick text with the address, deciding to prepare some snacks while she waited for him to arrive.

Twenty minutes later she heard the sound of the doorbell finishing off the final touches on her platter of crackers, meats, cheese, and grapes before moving to answer the door.

Rey opened the door to see Hux with the most radiant smile plastered on his face. Rey couldn’t deny that Hux was a good looking guy. He was tall with orange-red hair, pale skin, and an array of freckles that only made him that much cuter. He was dressed in a baby blue shirt that only enhanced his baby blue eyes and jeans paired off with black converse. He held multi-colored board shorts in his right hand. He noticed her eyes drift to them and held them up.

“I figured we could swim. I remember you telling me there was a pool here.”

Rey smiled. “Yes, it’s the perfect day to swim too.”

Hux nodded and before she knew it she was being swept off her feet, pulled into a tight embrace. “I missed the hell out of you, Rey.”

Rey held him equally as tight, closing her eyes and enjoying being in his arms after so much time. “I miss you too, Hux.”

He set her back on her feet, pressing a swift kiss to her cheek before she stepped aside to let him in. Shutting the door behind her she turned to see Hux taking in Ben’s simple décor.

“The guy isn’t much for expressing himself, is he now?” Hux moved into the living room staring at the black couches and the television, noting how there wasn’t much other than that besides the coffee table and a few pictures of Mila hanging on the wall.

“He’s not a man of many words either,” Rey mumbled, trailing her fingertips along the back of the couch trying to ignore the wall where he had pressed her up against when he was drunk out of his mind.

Hux chuckled making his way into the kitchen, immediately grabbing a cracker and shoving it into his mouth ignoring the cheese and meat. Rey’s attention flickered to the wall where Ben had made her fall apart by rubbing up against her and saying dirty things beside her ear. She could still remember how hard he had been and the way he panted making her want him that much more with how he was losing control. She flushed bright red at her thoughts, shoving them aside and focusing back on Hux who was still admiring the simplicity of the home.

Eventually, they made it outside to her little house. She gave him a quick tour and they wound up getting changed into their bathing suits, residing by the pool only dipping their feet in.

“So, how are you and Rose?” Rey asked looking over at Hux who had smothered his skin in sunscreen. The sun glistening off his pale skin. Hux was surprisingly a lot more physically fit than she had presumed. Rose was a lucky girl.

Hux brightened at the question. “We’re doing great. We’re thinking of going on a little trip after we finish this semester.”

“Oh yeah? Where do you guys want to go?”

Hux shrugged. “Her parents live in Florida and mine are in New York. So, we thought we’d do a road trip to visit them and enjoy the sights while we do.”

“That sounds fun. I’m happy for you, Hux. She seems like a nice girl.”

“I think I finally found the one for me. I mean, after being in a shitty relationship for years, she is a breath of fresh air. Plus, she doesn’t treat me differently just because of my past.”

“You better invite me to the wedding,” Rey teased knocking her shoulder against his.

“Oh shut up, you know you’ll be the first one I send an invitation to. Enough about me though. You like it here?”

Rey bit at her lip. “Yes, I like it here. It’s definitely an improvement from Plutt.”

Hux shook his head, a look of anger upon his face now. “That motherfucker deserves to rot in a hole for the rest of his days.”

“I’m sure he will.”

“What a waste of space. Anyways, I’m glad you like it here.”

“Mila is just the cutest, most behaved little girl. It’s easy living here with her around. Mr. Solo, on the other hand, is a little intense.”

“He better treat you right or else I’ll ensure he can never walk again.”

Rey appreciated Hux’s protective nature over her. She knew if push came to shove Hux wouldn’t let her wind up on the streets. Still, she didn’t want to impose on his space, reason why she refused to call him when things got bad with Plutt.

“He has issues but he’s a good guy. He just needs someone to understand him.”

Hux looked over at her, worry replacing the anger. “You can’t save everyone, Rey.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “I’m not trying to save anyone, Hux.”

“From what you’ve told me this guy is damaged with deep-rooted issues. I know you like to fix people but if this guy is being a dick to you then he isn’t worth it. He’s old enough to fix himself.”

“We all need a little help from time to time,” Rey answered.

Hux’s features softened. “I guess you’re right.”

Rey didn’t want to speak about the topic of Ben anymore instead she gave Hux a mischievous look that caused his eyes to widen right as she pushed him into the pool. Hux came up to the surface spluttering and shoving his hair out of his eyes.

“Oh, you’re dead,” he shouted as he pulled her into the pool with him.

Rey and Hux began play fighting shoving each other’s heads underwater and chasing each other around the pool. Neither heard the sliding glass door open or even felt the presence of somebody moving closer.

Rey felt a sudden chill run down her spine right as she had her arm around Hux’s shoulders her front practically glued to his back. Her eyes darted to the edge of the pool to see Ben staring at them, beer in hand, grime smudged across his face. His hair was a mess, slicked with sweat and his white wife-beater clung to his skin enhancing the muscle that lay beneath.

Rey untangled herself from Hux, both of them standing in the shallow end. She noticed that Hux had gone tense beside her. Her skin felt too hot even though the water was cool. There was no sign of what was going on inside Ben’s head with how his expression remained passive. He brought his beer to his plush lips taking a hearty swallow. Rey finally found her words as he did so.

“Hi, Mr. Solo. Did you get off work early?”

Rey didn’t miss the way the muscle under his left eye twitched as his arm fell back to his side. “Yes, I thought I mentioned I’d be off at one today.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t recall you telling me. Um, this Hux. We go to school together. We haven’t seen each other in a while.” Rey knew it was silly that they were talking while she was still in the pool but her legs felt like jelly and she wasn’t so sure she’d be able to stand on them at the moment.

Hux seemed to decide for her as he climbed out of the pool grabbing his towel. He quickly dried off and made his way over to Ben. Rey swallowed hard as Hux put his hand out towards Ben.

“I’m Hux, sir. I hope you don’t mind that I came to visit her.”

Ben stared at Hux’s hand for a beat, dragging his eyes back up to his face, and took the proffered hand in his. Rey swore she saw Hux flinch as they shook hands and let go.

“She’s eighteen. She can do what she wants.”

“Well, I was going to be leaving soon anyways. It was nice to meet you, sir.”

“It’s Ben. Nice to meet you too, kid.” Hux grimaced at the nickname.

Rey forced herself out of the pool beginning to towel herself off. She saw the way Ben watched her and blushed under his stare. Hux seemed to notice too. His jaw clenched giving Ben a warning look.

“I’m gonna shower. See you around,” Ben grunted. He left without another word and Rey felt like she could finally breathe again.

“That fucking pervert was staring at you like you were his,” Hux griped with a shake of his head. Rey moved over to him placing her hand on his shoulder gently.

His head snapped up to meet her eyes. “Don’t worry about him. He would never hurt me.”

Hux looked confused. “Did he touch you inappropriately?”

Rey nibbled on her bottom lip unsure of how to tell Hux what was going on between her and Ben. “I like him, Hux.”

Hux acted as if he had just been punched in the stomach. “What are you talking about, Rey?”

“Everything that is happening between him and me is mutual. I promise.”

Hux yanked her into his arms, holding her like he would never see her again. He was trembling. “I swear if that bastard hurts you in any shape or form, I will destroy him.”

Rey placed her hands on his back letting him crush her to him. “I will help you destroy him if that ever happens.”

“You can always call me, Rey. You’re my best friend. Don’t forget that.”

“Right back at you.”

“I love you.”

Rey felt tears rise to the surface. She pushed them back down refusing to let him see her cry due to how happy she was to hear him say that.

“I love you too.”

They pulled away from one another. Hux used her bathroom to change and Rey pulled a sundress over herself while he did so. Once he was ready, she walked him to his car and gave him another hug. He got in his car and waved goodbye. She watched his car disappear around the corner before walking back into the house. She shut the door with a soft click turning around only to be met by Ben standing in front of her.

She yelped in fright, covering her racing heart. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Rey sputtered. She hadn’t even heard him approach. For such a large man he was much too quiet on his feet. He had yet to shower, the grime still on his skin, the sweat now dried.

“If you want to have your little boyfriend over then fucking ask next time,” Ben growled with condescending eyes.

Rey prickled at the way he was acting like he had the right to berate her like a child. She narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s a friend and I thought I could do what I want. Isn’t that what you told him?”

“This is my house and you may be able to do what you want but as a common fucking courtesy, ask me if you want someone to come over.”

Rey could sense that there was something more underlying his words. “I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to invite a friend over. I hadn’t seen him in forever and I missed him.”

Ben’s eyes darkened, his teeth ground together as he seemed to be barely concealing his anger. “Oh, you missed him huh? That’s why you were hanging all over him right? Wanted to press your pretty tits against him to show him how much you missed him, right?”

She bit the inside of her mouth until she could taste the sharp tang of copper. She didn’t want to fuel whatever he was feeling by stooping to his level. Taking a deep breath, she let it out calming herself down. “I did miss him because he is my friend. That is it. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Rey became confused when she looked closely to see misery swirling round and round in his amber eyes. “You know boys only want one thing at that age, Rey. I bet he wanted to hold you down and fuck into that tight cunt of yours. I bet that’s what you wanted him to do too.”

Rey’s mouth parted in shock at his crude words. Without a second thought, she slapped him across the face so hard his head turned to the side and caused her palm to feel like it was on fire. Ben’s breathing had become jagged, his breaths heavy and uneven. She had left a mark. His pale skin already tinged red with the force behind her slap.

Rey stepped away from him, her hands formed into tiny fists. “You have no right to speak to me like that, Ben.”

Ben didn’t say anything, his attention stayed fixed to the adjacent wall. His broad chest was puffing up and down. His entire body trembled as his own hands balled into fists.

“I don’t know what has gotten into you but you need to take a good hard look at yourself and realize that the things you say hurt the people around you.”

Ben turned his head forward. Rey was not prepared for the anguish that emanated from his gaze. He looked close to tears. His bottom lip quivered and he was still unable to get control of his erratic breathing.

“Ben,” Rey whispered taking a step forward, stopping when he shook his head.

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

“I don’t understand what is going on with you.”

“I’m no good. You need to get as far away from me as you can,” he croaked shoving a hand through his hair.

Rey moved until she was standing right in front of him. With shaking hands, she placed them on his chest feeling the warmth that exuded from him. “Just tell me what is going on. Whatever it is, I’ll help you…”

Ben grasped the back of her hands, his heart was thundering under her fingertips. “I’m fucked up,” he muttered. “I’m all fucked up.”

“No,” she said almost vehemently, “You’re not fucked up, Ben.”

“You don’t fucking know me, Rey. You think you do but I’m only going to end up hurting you and I don’t know if I could live with myself if I did such a thing to you.”

Rey searched his eyes, trying to figure out why he was acting like this after they had shared such an intense moment no more than a week ago. “You won’t hurt me.”

Ben laughed humorlessly. He moved his hands out from underneath hers and slid a palm along the side of her neck raising the hair on her arms. He cupped the nape of her neck urging her closer. Her heart beat rapidly as his dark eyes wandered over her face. “Listen to me, Rey. I’m not a good guy. I’m going to ruin you if you stick around. I’ve never been gentle. I’ve never been kind. I will break you. I’m not your prince charming come to save you. I will fuck you and make you bleed and I will not think twice about it. Do you understand me?”

Rey felt like someone had shoved a bowling ball down her throat, unable to swallow through it. The tears burned as they broke free from their confinement and raced down her face. Her heart ached. She wanted to tear it out of her chest and stomp on it until it ceased to exist. Ben Solo had burrowed his way under her skin, into her heart, mind, and soul. Now, he was tearing it all apart with his cruel words.

“I understand.” Rey pushed the words out of her mouth even though it was agonizing to do so.

Ben’s hands cupped the sides of her face, thumbs brushing the tears away. “Fuck, don’t cry. Please, don’t fucking cry, sweetheart.”

Rey shoved him away. “Don’t call me that,” she hissed, rubbing where her heart sat. Desperate for the pain to go away.

Ben stood with a tormented expression played out on his face. Rey pushed past him, wiping at the tears that refused to stop as she made her way to the guest house.

“Rey, wait!” Ben called out. Rey picked up her pace reaching her door only for Ben to be pushed up right behind her not a second later, his hand on top of hers stopping her from going inside.

“Rey, I was jealous. Okay, I was so fucking jealous seeing you with that guy. I’m all fucked up because you make me feel things I shouldn’t feel for someone so young and so out of my league. I want you _so_ bad. I want to kiss you all over and hear the noises you make when I’m inside of you. Oh, god, Rey, _please_ , I don’t know what I’m doing,” he babbled, his chest rising and falling so fast she was scared he was going to pass out.

His left arm wrapped around her chest hooking onto her bicep pulling her back into his chest while his other arm wrapped around her waist gripping onto her hip making her feel tiny in his arms. She didn’t know what to say. She was rendered speechless by what he had said. She shivered when the arm around her chest moved. His fingertips slid over her collarbone to her sternum and moved up slowly to wrap around her neck. His thumb gently pressed into where her pulse thudded frantically. His fingers pressed down on the side of her neck causing her to swallow feeling the way he could easily steal her breath if he wanted to.

She felt his breath hot and fast by her ear. “Rey, _please_ ,” he begged. She wasn’t sure what he was begging for until she felt his palm pressed against her stomach causing her gut to coil. His hand began to move down, fingertips catching on the hem of her bathing suit that lay beneath the dress. He groaned helplessly, fingertips trembling as they moved down her upper thigh until he reached the end of her dress.

The moment was the most erotic experience of Rey’s life. She was aware of the heat that had spanned the length of her entire body, warming her from the inside out. She was going to let Ben touch her. She shouldn’t. He had been sending mixed signals for way too long. She should send him away, refuse his advances but she couldn’t. She was dripping wet for him. She wanted him to feel just how turned on she was for him.

He angled his hand so that his fingertips were now trailing up her inner thigh. He squeezed the flesh yanking a soft moan out of her. His hand inched higher and higher until she felt his thumb at the edge of her bathing suit. He teased her by trailing his thumb back and forth on the line of her bathing suit bottoms dangerously close to where she wanted him to touch.

Suddenly, he moved his hand to the top of her bottoms, his hand slid inside the material. She gasped as she felt his fingers slide through the tuft of hair on her mound until he was touching her clit.

“Ben,” she cried out.

The hand around her neck tightened, his fingers moved in deep circles over her clit. She struggled for breath as he touched her most intimate spot bringing her close to coming within seconds. “You’re already going to come aren’t you? I can see your pretty little thighs quivering,” he rasped nipping at the shell of her ear.

“B-Ben, oh, oh, oh,” she chanted, screwing her eyes shut as her belly tightened and her core began to follow suit. She had never experienced anything like this before. It was almost too much to handle.

Ben gulped in a shuddering breath his fingers still dancing over her clit not daring to venture lower to where she wanted those long, thick fingers to split her apart.

“I’ve thought about this way too much. Thought about how you would moan while I touched you. I’m not proud of these thoughts, Rey. You make me feel like I’m going insane.”

With that, he let go of her entirely causing her to moan at the loss of his touch. He turned her around pressing her back into the wall behind her. He fell hard to his knees before her. “Take your dress off,” he demanded.

Rey didn’t wait to be told twice. She grasped the edge of the material, pulling it up and over her head, she tossed it to the side. His arms wrapped around her waist as he pressed open-mouthed kisses all over her stomach. The suction of his mouth on her lower belly caused her to reach out and thread her fingers through his long, silky hair. His hands grabbed at her bathing suit bottoms and yanked them down wildly. He was breathing hard as he helped her out of them, lifting her leg so that her foot was now resting on his shoulder-opening her up to him like a flower. Her face heated in embarrassment at being so exposed to him.

Ben shot her a fevered look before nuzzling his nose against her clit igniting shockwaves through her system. His tongue darted out circling her clit, sweeping down to her entrance finding her sopping wet for him. He groaned cradling her ass with both hands, swirling his tongue around her opening. She moaned loud and guttural, tugging at the strands of hair in her grip. He slightly pulled back, smelling her, breathing her in to the point she felt shy at the attention.

“Fuck, you smell so good. Taste like a fucking peach,” he murmured before returning to licking her from entrance to clit over and over again. She dug her heel into his back, taking in shuddering breaths as she tried to maintain her sanity due to how good it felt to have him touching her there.

“Damn it, Rey, need you on your bed,” he growled, standing up abruptly and hoisting her over his shoulder.

“Ben, wait,” she said, unable to form coherent thoughts.

He pushed her door open, walking straight to her bed and dropped her unceremoniously upon it. He fell to his knees once again, grasping her waist and hauling her to the edge of the bed. He gripped the underside of both her knees shoving them to her chest and immediately latched his mouth around her clit, sucking hard.

Rey sobbed at the pleasure that coursed through her. “Hold your knees,” Ben said on a breathy growl. Rey obeyed grasping onto them as he continued to eat her out like a man starved. She keened when she felt his tongue circling her clit and two fingers teasing her entrance.

His fingers began to push inside of her, she tightened instinctively. “I got you, baby. I got you.”

Rey relaxed allowing his fingers to slide in deeper until finally they were buried into the hilt. He was panting as he stretched her to her limit. “You’re so damn wet, fuck, Rey. You’re gonna be so tight around my cock.” His forehead pressed into her stomach as his fingers began to move in and out of her slowly, methodically.

Rey grasped at the strands of his midnight hair with both hands, his fingers beginning to fuck her hard and fast. His tongue moving back to her clit causing her to become a quivering mess. She had begun to grind down on his fingers, her breaths tumbling out of her rapidly.

“I’m going to come,” she choked out, tugging at his hair.

He moaned against her clit, the rumbling sound enough to push her over the edge crying out Ben’s name.

She blacked out for a mere second coming back to herself a moment later to see Ben still kneeling before her. He slipped his fingers into his mouth sucking her juices off of them and Rey was sure she was going to pass out again.

Ben pressed one last kiss to her stomach before standing to his feet. She could see the way his arousal tented his jeans. Without really thinking she sat up fumbling with his belt, frantic and unsure. His hands clamped down upon hers.

“Rey, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

Rey looked up at him through her eyelashes, biting at her lip. “I want to make you feel good too.”

He cupped her face, tasting her lips. Her eyes shut at the tender touch of his lips against hers. “Another time. Let’s just get some rest. We have a lot to discuss.”

She nodded in understanding. “I’m going to shower,” he said not quite meeting her eyes.

She stood, grasping his wrist. “Please, tell me this isn’t something that is going to be shoved under the rug to be forgotten?”

Ben’s eyes softened. “This is not going to be forgotten. Rey, I have feelings for you and I let myself lose control because of how badly I wanted you,” he stated releasing a frustrated breath before continuing. “I don’t want you to think I only want you for your body. You make me burn and I just want to be consumed by you but I need to tell you things before we go further. I’m asking you to trust me and I know that’s a lot to ask. Please, just believe me when I say I want whatever is happening between us.”

Rey surged up on her tiptoes pressing her lips against his. “I trust you.”

Ben smiled against her lips. “Good. Now get some rest, you naughty girl.”

She swatted at his chest pulling a chuckle out of him. He kissed her goodnight and left back into his house.

Rey lay on her bed still feeling the aftershocks of the orgasm he gave her. On a sigh she fell into a deep, dreamless, sleep ready for tomorrow to arrive.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO
> 
> Spotify Dedicated to Reylo
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7L4zaaPN9C3p1HX0FHv59j?si=SP3f5230RzemEvs-ja9OXg)


	11. Wide Eyed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me!!
> 
> This chapter is short but helps move the story along!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Read at your own risk ⚠️

**_No more wide eyes_ ** **_I can't pretend_ **  
**_No, I can't pretend_ **  
**_No morning cries_ **  
**_It's not the end_ **  
**_No, it's not the end_ **

_ Three Years Ago _

“Dada,” Mila cooed her tiny arms outstretched towards him.

Ben smiled warmly down at her, leaning over from the chair he sat in, and lifted her into his arms with ease. She giggled pressing a kiss upon his cheek, her hands cupping the sides of his neck. No matter if he was having a bad day; Mila always knew how to make everything better.

Eliza had up and left for the hundredth time not sparing Mila or him a goodbye. He had stopped calling her at this point. He didn’t care what she was doing or who anymore.

“Mila needs a mother, son,” Han said walking out from the kitchen wiping his hands off with a towel. Ben flicked his eyes over to his father not caring to continue the previous conversation they were having. Still, Ben felt like he owed him this little discussion. Han had been the only reason why Ben had food in his stomach as of late. He had been too focused on taking care of Mila and worrying about Eliza to focus on himself and his declining health.

“Yes, she does, but Eliza wants to go off and do god knows what with other men. She’s only ever cared about money and I can’t give her everything she desires.”

“You two need to sit down and have a serious talk. If she doesn’t want to be faithful then it’s time for you two to separate and start working on co-parenting.”

“She doesn’t want to be a fucking mother, dad,” Ben barked. He immediately regretted it when he saw Mila recoil from his angry tone. He softened his voice, soothing her with gentle circles on her back.

Han sighed, walking back into the kitchen for a moment returning with a glass of whiskey. He sat down across from Ben taking a small sip before setting it on the side table. “Ben, you knew what you were getting yourself in to the moment you fell in love with Eliza. She was never going to love you the way you needed her to. It’s not something to be ashamed about but it is a lesson that you had to learn. You have to do what is best for you and Mila but you also have to try to make the co-parenting thing work for Mila’s sake.”

“If Eliza wanted to be a mother she would make the effort to be here. She didn’t want to breastfeed for her selfish reasons. She has never wanted to hold Mila or even do basic things for her like change a diaper or clothe her. I’ve done everything for Mila because I love her but as much as I hate to admit it I love Eliza too. I’m still in love with Eliza and it kills me.”

Han finished off his drink. He stood and walked over to Ben placing a hand on his shoulder. “I know, son. You may never stop loving Eliza but I do believe that you deserve so much better and Eliza will only continue to break your heart.”

Ben’s throat felt like it was closing in on itself making it almost impossible to breathe. He held Mila closer to him basking in her warmth. He didn’t know why he couldn’t move on from Eliza. He wished so badly the feelings he had for her would just disappear. If she couldn’t love him he could live with that. It was the fact she couldn’t love Mila that made him constantly war with his feelings. He didn’t understand how he could be in love with a woman that didn’t love her daughter. Mila was the earth, sun, and the moon to him and he knew Eliza did not share those same thoughts.

“Let’s get you home, son,” Han murmured giving him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

Ben shook his head. “You’ve been drinking, dad.”

Han only laughed moving to put on his jacket, the sound of his keys clinking loudly in the small room. “I’ve had one drink. I know how you get when you don’t sleep in your bed.”

His dad was right. Ben always woke up beyond cranky when he slept on his dad’s couch. He wanted to sleep off all the emotions coursing through him. He gave in, gathering all Mila’s things, and walked out to his dad’s car. Ben’s car was still in the shop and Han had been helping him get to work the past week. He also had been gracious enough to babysit Mila in Eliza’s absence.

Ben strapped Mila into the car seat giving her a dozen kisses to her face. He couldn’t get over her adorable laugh as she accepted his affection. Ben shut the door and opened the passenger side folding his body into the small space of the front seat. Han started the car ensuring that his mirrors were all correct before he backed out of the driveway.

“Did the mechanic say when your car would be ready?”

“He said by Monday. I don’t work this weekend, so, I would just need a ride to pick my car up sometime on Monday.”

“I can do that for you, son.”

“Thanks.”

“How’s your mom doing?” Han asked after a few minutes of silence.

“You know, just living the life of a famous author.” Ben hated to sound sarcastic. His mom was living her dream. He couldn’t fault her for that. It was just the fact she had hardly seen Mila more than twice in the two years since she had been born that bothered him the most. It was normal not to see much of his mom. It had caused a rift between her and his father. It was the main reason why they had divorced in the first place. He just wished she would visit more often. He had tried to go out there but she always said she was too busy.

“Don’t let it get to you. Your mom just does what she wants.”

“Sounds familiar,” Ben grumbled.

“Leia is nothing like Eliza,” Han retorted. Ben rolled his eyes. No matter what his dad may say about no longer being in love with Leia, Ben had always known that to be utter bullshit. His dad would always be hopelessly in love with Leia.

“Whatever you say, dad.”

Han looked away from the road for that second to say something at the same time Ben noticed the light was red. Han was going sixty miles per hour. There was no way he was going to stop in time. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as Ben shouted for his dad to stop, the car going through the light at the same time another car was going through the green. Ben saw the flash of headlights before everything went black.

Everything hurt when Ben came to only a few moments later. He was upside down, the sounds of people frantically talking began to fill his ears. His hand trembled as he undid the seatbelt. It braced himself for impact as his shoulder hit the roof hard enough to make him groan in pain. There was only one thing he cared about and that was getting to Mila.

Ben crawled out the broken window ignoring the sting of the glass biting his palms. He scrambled to his knees yanking open the back door. He let out a soft whimper when he saw Mila was crying, safe and snug in her car seat. Ben crawled inside unbuckling her. He dragged her into his arms and exited the car, taking a seat on the pavement rocking her back and forth in his arms. He sobbed in relief not caring that people were trying to ensure he was okay.

Mila’s green eyes were wide as she stared up at him. He smiled down at her until he realized there was blood on her cheeks. He quickly inspected to see if she was cut. He only sufficed to smear the blood. His brows furrowed in confusion. There wasn’t a single scratch on her but blood continued to coat her skin.

“Oh god, Ben! Ben, I’m so sorry,” Han wept. Ben looked up, his vision so cloudy he couldn’t make out his father. Suddenly, Han was pressing something against Ben’s face. Ben startled, not understanding what was going on. He could hear Han crying and feel the soft cries that racked Mila’s body.

Sirens blared from afar, getting considerably closer until they were so close it hurt Ben’s ears. “I’m so sorry,” Han kept saying over and over again.

Someone began to try to take Mila from Ben. He held her close with one arm, lashing out like an animal with the other. No one would touch his daughter, he would make sure of it.

“Ben, it is okay, the medic is going to inspect her.”

Ben snarled, refusing to not have Mila in his arms where she was safe. They managed to pry her from his arms. He was seething and shoved Han far from him. Whatever had been pressed to his face fell away. Ben could see now that it was a jacket covered in blood. Ben’s hand trembled as he pressed it to his face feeling his skin was torn on his cheek.

“What,” he whispered to himself. His vision was going in and out. His heart raced much too fast to be right and before he knew it the world went black for a second time that night.

~♥~

Ben woke up two days after the wreck. The pain that overcame him caused him to vomit immediately over the side of the bed.

“Shit, Ben, it is okay,” Han consoled, rubbing Ben’s back. “I’ll get the nurse.”

Han left. Ben wiped his mouth off laying back and brought his fingers to his face feeling the texture of the bandages. He didn’t know what happened to him, he just knew it wasn’t going to be pretty when he finally saw the damage.

“Hello Mr. Solo,” a woman with purple hair said walking in wearing a doctor’s coat and holding a clipboard.

“Ben,” he corrected.

“Alright, Ben, I am Dr. Holdo, can you tell me how old you are?”

“Twenty-nine.”

“What year were you born?”

“Eighty-Eight.”

“Do you know what happened to you?”

“I was involved in a car accident.”

“Yes. Your daughter is fine. She suffered no injuries whatsoever.”

Ben breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Is the other driver okay?”

Dr. Holdo nodded. “Yes, she is only suffering from a broken arm but will make a full recovery in six to eight months.”

“And me?”

“You were cut by a piece of glass on impact. It lacerated your face starting at your right brow to your right pectoral. We did a skin graft to help the healing process, however, the wound was extremely deep and I expect it will scar.”

Ben laughed humorlessly. “And here I thought my pretty looks would make me famous.” The comment was sarcastic filled with bitterness. He had never thought himself attractive.

Ben had lost his virginity to Eliza on a drunken romp in high school and she had declared she was going to marry him someday. Years after they married she told him the only reason she wanted to marry him was because of the size of his dick. He knew his looks were nothing to write home about and she had made that very clear. Now, he was permanently scarred on his face. Eliza would never be his now. She wasn’t before but he still thought he might have a chance to make her see he was worth being faithful to.

“You’ll still be handsome, son,” Han insisted, standing beside the bed placing his hand upon Ben’s.

Utter hatred consumed Ben at that moment. Anger flooded his bloodstream, his teeth ground as he tore his hand away from his dad's. Han’s brows furrowed.

“Why aren’t you sitting behind bars?” Ben spat. His eyes no doubt displaying contempt towards his dad.

“What are you talking about?” Han questioned, perplexed by what Ben was saying.

“You ran a red light. You injured the other driver and put my baby girl’s life in danger, yet, here you stand unscathed and not in jail where you belong. Did they not do a sobriety test on you?”

“I made a mistake but I wasn’t drunk I told you that. They did a breathalyzer and I was fine. The other driver didn’t want to press charges. Insurance is taking care of everything. Mila is alive and so are you that is all I care about.”

“You could have fucking killed my daughter! You took your fucking eyes off the road!”

Ben felt victorious when Han flinched and backed away. “Ben, I should have been paying attention. I messed up. I can admit that but don’t do this. Don’t push me away.”

“You are a sorry excuse for a fucking father. Just leave me and my daughter alone.”

Han stepped forward. He gripped the handrails of the hospital bed looking close to tears. “Ben, please, I’m so sorry. Just don’t do this.”

“I said go away.”

“Ben-”

“Go the fuck away!” Ben thundered, his chest heaved with his heavy uneven breaths.

Han stood baffled, a tear slipped down his face. His eyes wandered over Ben’s face, seeming to take one last good look and Ben hated the way it tugged at his heartstrings to see his father so crestfallen.

“Okay, son. I love you.”

Ben didn’t reply.

Ben would never admit that watching his father walk away with tears streaming down his withered face broke his heart into a million pieces.

~♥~

_ Present _

Ben stared at the ceiling.

Tears streamed down his face as he remembered the day he almost lost his daughter, received his gruesome scar, and pushed his father away.

He had fought with his pride for much too long.

He knew what he had to do.

Ben pulled his phone out and he called his dad for the first time in three years.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reylo Playlist
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7L4zaaPN9C3p1HX0FHv59j?si=uTJQ9xIbQF-aR9yfiIamBg)


	12. When was I last home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love <3

**_When was I last home?_ **   
**_White and gray stones_ **   
**_If I find bones_ **   
**_Along my way_ **   
**_I might feel a little less alone_ **   
**_Not so blue_ **

Ben paced back and forth at the coffee shop he had chosen to meet with his dad. He had picked a table outside and arrived an hour early, knowing he would have to work off his nerves and build up his courage.

He sat back down, tapped his foot a hundred dozen times, and before he could comprehend it, he was back on his feet, pacing. He had seen a couple of people inside the coffee shop give him odd looks and some passersby looked at him like he was crazy. It didn't bother him like it usually would have. Nerves were too busy eating him alive.

"Son?" A single word brought an onslaught of memories. Memories of when Ben was just a kid, and his dad would hold him close after he had a nightmare. He would tell him enchanting stories that allowed him to fall back into a peaceful sleep. He could see his dad's radiant smile the day Ben mastered riding his bike without training wheels. He could see them dancing around, helping his dad work on his car, them wrestling, and heading to get ice cream after they had a tiff. His dad had been his everything long before life turned out the way Ben had not planned.

Ben's heart raced as he stopped his pacing and turned to see his dad with two coffee's in either hand. He wore his regular jeans and t-shirt with tennis shoes compared to Ben's black button-down shirt and jeans paired off with combat boots. His dad looked healthy and wore a gentle smile on his weathered face.

"I saw you pacing outside. I didn't want to disturb you. You looked lost in thought," Han said as he moved to the table, setting the coffee down. "I hope you still drink your coffee black?"

Ben could only nod as he watched his dad sit down. He got his shit together, followed suit, took a seat, and clasped his hands on his lap to stop his fidgeting.

Han took a hearty sip of his coffee and let out a content sigh as he set it back down. He lifted his gaze to Ben's, a familiar gaze, and yet, Ben had shoved it into a part of his mind, lost and forgotten. He had hardly remembered how kind his dad's eyes were or how gentle his smile could be.

Ben swallowed through the lump that had formed in his throat and took a sip of his coffee to try to make it go away. It did nothing to alleviate the pain and only made Ben see that his hands were trembling.

"Ben," Han softly said, reaching his hands across the small table to place them atop Ben's.

Ben went rigid at the touch, feeling the callouses on his dad's fingers from years of working on cars.

"I'm glad you called. It's so good to see you, but I don't want you to feel pressured to do this." He gave his hands a gentle squeeze before returning them to his coffee cup.

Ben missed the warmth immediately. His heart constricted at the memory of the sad look in his dad's eyes as he pushed him away. So far away that Ben didn't think he deserved to be forgiven for denying his daughter a grandpa and his father a granddaughter. He had done the inexplicable, and he wanted to beg for forgiveness, but the words kept getting clogged in his throat.

He bit at his lip, feeling the heat of tears behind his eyes. He dropped his head, unable to meet his dad's brown gaze anymore.

His dad had made a mistake, and Ben had crucified him for it. Three years ago, Ben had been so torn up about Eliza. He felt like his life was going nowhere, and Mila had been the only thing in his life that kept him grounded. He had been on bad terms with his mom, and he had clung to his dad like a lifeline, but after the accident, Ben had been determined to shove everyone he loved far away. He wanted to be alone. He let his pain dictate his choices, and the scar on his face was a blinding reminder that he had fucked up by closing his heart to his dad.

His dad would have been there by his side every step of the way while Ben healed. He would have done everything to ensure that Mila was taken care of, and Ben was able to rest. Ben knew his father would have gone the extra mile for him, and he didn't want to be a burden to him. So, he did the one thing that would ensure his dad stayed far away and destroyed the one good relationship in his life with cruel words that he didn't mean.

Ben stood up, feeling a heavy weight pressing down on his chest. He couldn't stop the tremble of his lip or the tears that began to race down his face. They blurred his vision so much that he hadn't been expecting the tender touch of a hand caressing his scarred cheek.

"Kid," Han murmured.

"Dad," Ben choked out, shaking his head, unable to get another word out.

"I know, son. I know." Han brushed a tear away, and Ben found the courage to lift his eyes to meet his dad's.

Ben had always been tall, always looking down at people most of the time, but not with his dad. His dad was only an inch or so shorter making it easy to look him in the eye and brought him that sentimental feeling of being a boy again. His dad had always been his protector, his hero, the one he looked up to and trusted the most. He had never wanted to disappoint his father. Instead of seeing that in his dad's eyes, all he saw was love.

"I'm sorry," Ben whispered.

"Shh, enough. You don't need to apologize to me, kid. I never resented you. I never felt betrayed by you. I knew that when you were ready, you'd come back to me. I waited patiently, and now you're here with me. I love you, Ben. I always have, and I always will. You're my boy," he chuckled, "Well, not so much a boy anymore, but in my head, you're still that little ankle biter that I've adored since the minute you were born. I could never stay mad at you."

Ben let out a soft sob, not entirely understanding how his father could be so forgiving after what Ben did. He wanted to analyze it, but his dad didn't allow him to as he dragged him into a hug and held him close. He stroked the back of his head, and Ben closed his eyes, leaning his forehead on his dad's shoulder, allowing himself to be comforted.

"I love you, dad."

"I know. I've always known that," Han said and patted his back before releasing him. Ben wiped his tears away and took a deep breath to get his emotions under control.

They sat back down. The tension that once claimed Ben's mind now relieved. He understood that he would have to make up for a lot of the shit he had done, but he was ready to get his life together, not only for himself but also for his daughter and Rey.

"So, how's my granddaughter?" Han asked.

"She's good. Big and too smart for her own good. She'll be happy to see you."

Han smiled. "I'll be happy to see her too."

"I shouldn't have kept you two apart for all this time. I fucked up."

Han let out a good-natured laugh. "Don't beat yourself up, kid. We can make up for the lost time."

Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't get how you can forgive me so easily after what I did," Ben swallowed, "After what I said. I was cruel."

"You were going through a lot, son. I know that's not an excuse for anything that happened, but I'm not entirely innocent. I put you and my granddaughter in harm's way because I wasn't paying attention. I beat myself up day and night for what I caused. I eventually had to forgive myself, or else I was going to lose myself. I fucked up too.

"I'm sorry for what I put you through. As I said, I don't resent you for telling me to fuck off. You had your reasons, and I know I couldn't force you into talking to me. You're as stubborn as a bull. I wonder where you get that from?" Han finished with a sly grin. He grabbed his coffee, drinking the rest before moving to throw it away. He returned and retook his seat, folding his arms across his chest.

"Ben, we all make mistakes. We'll get through this just like everything else we've gotten through in the past."

Ben picked at the lid of his coffee cup, processing what his dad said. He knew by his dad's silence that he understood Ben like the back of his hand. He knew all his tics. There wasn't much that Ben could get away with when it came to his dad. He was grateful that his dad allowed him this time to think. He had been forgiven, and that was something Ben couldn't quite understand, but he would have to accept it for what it was-something he didn't think he deserved, but something that his father genuinely meant.

"Thank you," Ben finally said after what felt like a millennium in his mind, but had probably only been a couple of minutes. "For understanding and for being the best father, a kid could ever ask for. I'm going to do my best to mend this relationship."

"You're the best kid a father could ever ask for. We're good, son. Okay?"

Ben swallowed and nodded. "Okay."

"So, I heard you hired a babysitter."

Ben laughed, both his dad and mom were experts at flipping a conversation in seconds.

"Yes, her name is Rey."

"And?" Han raised his brow, giving Ben a knowing look.

"And I like her. She's a good person through and through. She's been there for Mila and has loved her like her own. I didn't want to fall for her, but it's hard not to like a woman like Rey. She knows how to put me in my place and doesn't take my shit. She's not a pushover. She's strong, brave, intelligent, and the list just goes on forever."

"Seems she has you smitten."

Ben blushed, taking a rather large chug of his coffee. It proved to be a mistake, and he spluttered. Han only bellowed out a laugh and extended Ben a napkin.

Ben thanked him, wiping his mouth off, his face feeling as if it were on fire.

"I guess I am smitten with her," Ben muttered.

"Treat her right, Ben. If she's as amazing as she sounds, then you better be a good man to her."

"I will. I still believe she deserves better than me, but I'm selfish and want her to be mine. Still, I've been mean to her, and I need to put in the work to prove to her that I'm not a demanding prick that won't let her live her life because I want her all for myself. I have to become a better man not only for myself but for her and Mila too."

Han nodded in agreement. "You become the best man you can be."

"I will, dad. Thank you."

"Would you guys like to come over for dinner at my place next Saturday?" Han asked, checking his watch.

"I'll talk to Rey and see if that works for her. I can get back to you later today."

"That works for me, son. I have a car to fix up for a friend, so I have to head out, but it was so good to see you, Ben."

They stood, and Ben dragged his dad in for a hug, never wanting to let go. "I love you so much, dad."

Han messed up Ben's hair when they pulled away, giving him a warm smile. "I love you too, my son. Be good," he said with a wink before patting Ben's shoulder and heading away from the coffee shop.

Ben watched his dad go, and for the first time in a long time, he felt at peace.

~♥~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XoXo

**Author's Note:**

> I love each and every one of you. Truly <3


End file.
